Actually I wanted to write about this disease and some things around it, but as I just had another shocking experience, I decided to write about us, who have not to deal with this disease but with people who have depression.
To make it clear, if you never had a depression you will never to the fully understand it.
It's impossible, thought even the people who have it have hard to explain.
You can read books about depression and talk to people who open up about living with it. You even find on the internet versions of expressions like a big shadow is over you or that depression is like a dog who follows you and gets bigger and bigger until he is much bigger than you and you can't handle the dog any longer. He even is that big that you can't see the door out.
Yes, in the beginning most affected don't see the signs themself, later they try to deal with it all alone until they finally search for help and sadly as it is many have hard to find a good therapist and the doctor/ medicine. That means depression is getting bigger and heavier.
So we who have not the problem have hard to understand how it is not to be able to get up, to see things positive, to have problems to achieve something, even the smallest things. Yes it is hard to understand how they feel and how their motion is. Words can't describe and mostly whatever we say to get them up can bring them down and also make them feel pressure.
I have some friends with depression and it is part of my work to deal with this disease but even I am not fully prepared for what can come.
You know the way we see the world is not how they see it, even thought we use the same words. I had the bad luck to use a sentence which hurt that friend. I never meant to and for most of us it would not be a problem but it was. That's what I know now.
So... I can give as many apologies as I feel but will he understand and take it?
Yes, missunderstanding can easely happen between all of us but with people who have depression the danger is higher. One reason is, they often don't talk about their disease. Another is they, like many other people, react not immediately. And one of the most important thing is the -I feel fine- game.
They often don't tell you how they really feel. It's hard but you have no chance but to trust that their words are true. That makes of course things complicated. When do you know they don't act and tell how they feel? And they used to be very good actors.
The reasons are many.
But that means you can feel everything is fine when it is not, but how could you know?
I'm sorry if I touch a wound of another person, and more I am sad, as I did not know that it was a problem.
I do my conversation in good spirit and never liked to be nasty. I do critises but try always to put myself into it too. Things are for me never black and white.
The thing is, someone who has depression can take even the smallest thing hard if you have bad luck.
I know that, but it is always a shock when they crash frontal into me and deliver the knife I have put in them, even I was totally unaware of it. All I can say is sorry and all we can do is to hope that the other person will accept it. If all goes fine you have a good finish, but the risk that the other person will break with you and stay mad at you is high.
You can't do much about it. Take it as it is and hope the best.
Now we could say handle with care and watch your words but how much may I ask.
I won't take them as china as this will kill all possibilities of having fun and you will never have the chance to get to know each other more and better.
Yes, I have to look over things they do, have to look over many times to reactions they have, or of the way they act as they don't see it themself, or they act a strange way because they feel high, or unsure.
Serenity is important when you deal with those people who are struggling and fighting and also hope for a better future, who are having their ups and downs as all of us, just more extreme sometimes.
Yes, we deal with depression, that's all we can do.
We will never understand it 100%.
Love & Light
