The Struggle

I guess each of us has this one year, where nothing, really nothing goes as planed or imagined. Usually it never goes exactly the way it was thought, but sometimes you have that one year, where nothing goes  right and then you question everything next to all the time. 

So one of the challenge is not to think to much and question all the time, but in this year all your believes are shattered. Unfortunately many people will not take it as a chance and after that year of freedom to decide, they go on as it never was (thought they always have a freedom to decide, just many don't believe in that possibility). Mostly of fear or they simple don't know better. But some people and I can tell yeah many of my friends and part of my family- and me, we try to use that time to reconsider, to think and ask ourself. What next? Where to go? Because you feel deep inside that this year means you have to finally say goodbye to some things for good. May it be thoughts, may it be what you worked with. I am sure most of you have already started this process the year or years before like I because we looked at our future and already knew it need a change if we wanna stay lucky and get happy. So it is nothing really new coming up that year, but it is very clear you have to do something as your body shows you more and more with t.ex. illness and the things you do are not functional anymore. They're over.  Obviously- but that is something you must see and this is only able when you are open minded.

Sometimes it also means to ask yourself where to live. Staying on the same place or leaving. Leaving for a bigger town or another country? What is it you'll gonna do, that will be your work in the future and what job is to put away for all and forever. 

For me it will be nursing this year, as I since two years feel that it is over and done with it, especially in Germany as working here is not really fun and will damage your health in the end and I already feel the effect of 15 years. In Sweden I had a much better working situation as a nurse. But I am not saying that my people here with whom I work together are bad. It is just that I can only work just as a nurse for medicine and will also study to be a teacher for the next generation of nurses. 

Of course many things have to change in that area, but this is another story.

For me it is also a year of the question where to live as I do have no own flat and so no place to sett my feet into the ground. Just now it feels I am nowhere home, thought I have a feeling being home in Berlin and Gothenburg. But without a job it is hard to find something. 

Now my living situation is very much like it has been and would be in Gothenburg above the job. But I decided to stay in Berlin, because of some reasons. Funny thing is one was to get faster an own flat, as it takes much time, to be exact years sometimes, in Gothenburg. 

What helps is the fact that I do have friends and that I decided to throw away what I believed about many things and that I go out and try out more then before, because I don't wanna wait and maybe it's the age, but I do care less what others may thing when I am out. 

But I did have new challenges in good and not so nice ways in private life too. Quite a lot to deal with and had also to made final decisions. On the other side, the more I do, the easier it gets. 

Also I am more political and less patience with some things that happen. I will not wait no longer; want to hear any longer that I am not equal. I am. I want the same rights and I want that people learn to focus on the common things more and more and be also in the same time more radical. Tolerance can be misunderstood and misused. I get tiered of those lying games. 

So trying and remember to have patience and to trust in the future as I still am not in the place I thought I would be already this year. It is sometimes less easy as I would like to have it. Also I feel that my hometown Berlin has become more aggressive and got to many tourist. The town is not ready for that and has to learn to deal with diversity more. But it seems that people are still not seeing that. Sadly it's very much Kindergarten going on. Which makes me angry sometimes. Berlin is young and will hopefully learn to make it like London but for that we also need a vision for Berlin, which I don't see and actually is missing since the end of world war one and sure two. 

Well one of the fact you know about such a year is also that you know it will make a point to break and come or start into a new future. Sure not everything is new, but you'll gonna have a new focus and grow out of the old and maybe also some habits will change in that year and maybe the way you look too. You simple know that whatever you do it will be important for your future as you start the things you need and let go the things which keep you away from it. You have learn what you are worth and will stay on that level and never go back. Yes, I read the other day that it would be less good to just take a downgrade just because you don't have patience. I managed to always stay minimum on same level, if not getting better/ up. 

I already felt the effect of having a less nice flat to live in as I used to and how it effects thinking and acting. So never let things keep you small or make you smaller as you are. 

Of course I am a lucky person as I do live in ol' Europe. I am very happy about that and will continue to discover it as I believe I will live again in another country. Just don't know where it will be. Berlin is a nice place, but you need to get away sometimes. I've learned through the last 5 years how good it was to be away and discover the town new and from an other point of view. But all in all those year gives me sometimes the hard feeling of a struggle as decision are going another way as planed and I have to try and try and try and wait and wait and trust. 

I know it has been just the first half of the year but never felt like this before as it would already have gone by a whole year. So I have to avoid question like- what if- as they lead to nowhere. But then, everything is getting good and better in the end and if not, it's not the end.

Love & Light

Gays and politic

It's the pride month again, but sadly we need this to tell people here we are, we are worth the same.

Many will show themself in one of the many demonstrations and parades and celebrate life, love and equality but also being part of a world where people still say we don't deserve a single thing. 

We are just now part of politic, always have been thought it is about human rights. But without the people who do politic, we sadly like it is, don't get our rights and to make it clear once more- we are not claiming extra rights, we want just and simple the same rights.

We want to sitt in the front line too in the bus and not being pushed into the back. 

So the LGBTI community need to work together with politic and make politic to get what we deserve but what if those who promise to help us, don't keep their word?

That's the actual question in Germany and just now in Berlin. Can we allow them to speak at our Christopher Street Day, when they just voted -No- ( in this case they did not vote at all and this is like a "No", because they put politics above the law)?

The thing is, that they promised so many times and some in politic claim that they need more to get used to the theme but how longer? Since 15 years minimum we are talking and pleasing them. Again and again we have been looking with a smile to the fact that at the end our human right was not that worth- not the same worth as their politic and power. When is it time to tell them- No more lies!? When is it time to say- It is enough?!

I do believe that some of those people in politic mean well and believe in our case and truly believe we should have the same rights but then it is next to always that they sett money and power before our rights and so in the end they're not really mean it that earnest as they claim and above all that it means to me that we are not worth the same in their eyes.

We need politic, do we? We need to make politic that I am sure of but do we need the people in politic?

Many seem to believe all to do is to believe in them no matter what and how many times they lied, they are the only way. Are they? I by myself believe we have to get free of them and act by ourself and take the law for help and clever minds. But I also believe we still need to go into that game of politic and make sure we have people there who help us. But we must be true to ourself that most help will come from little groups inside (as it was always the case). I respect those but can I respect and believe someone who very loud said he stands for us and the next day just keep his mouth shut because he has no ass and really believes that it will damage the actual political connection. But if so, then it would be more a chance then a problem. Why the fear I wonder and he was not the only one. Our Government lies in our face and we should still please them to open our political demonstration for our human rights? Rights he maybe believes we should have but they does not see us as equal? 

Why in the name are gays and lesbians so much tolerating such weakness and call it o.k. after all those years! Did our older sisters and brothers fought for that?! I am sure not and this is what LGBTI groups should keep in mind too! I feel a shame for such political blindness and for the weakness who made our work and fight worth less because they say it is o.k. not to be the same worth.

Think about it! Let's talk about it!

It's time! If it shall get better for once and all!

Love & Light

Is this art?

Making my walks in town I can discover places in Berlin where you can see some art.  I don't mean museums and places where they sell art. Those are more like little projects and usually you can't buy those objects. I don't even mean those graffitis. Plastic figures or installations are there to find and sometimes you wonder, if it is really art and so I start mostly talking with my friends what they believe. Thought if someone says what he did is art- we now have to take it for exactly that but then, sometimes it is hard to take it. Even for me who likes many styles of art and is very open. 

The problem mostly starts when it is about modern art or better concept art as it is often very obvious that we do not understand such or see anything it. 

Usually I can get a feeling for the object but this time, the other day an installation from -Relational Rubati- gave me nothing. Well, she is known for very minimal art but that object used to be not so minimal and if you look at the pics you wonder how less there can be to call it art. I could read an expression about it that this version was made through moves and it leaves the shadows and echos of what she has done just in the moment as she do not plane much before- she just does. She wants to let us see into new perspectives of reality. Actually a lot of words for the simple- I just did it. For me this was no art, thought I have to take her by word and take it as such, but I have the feeling I will deny her the opportunity. 

But when I looked around I found the unlycky Superman again and an installation who seemed very japanese. It's called unknown livings. 

Funny thing is that the most art a like thing was wrapped next to all of it. Who have known this?

So when you walk around and try to be with open eyes then maybe in the -Schwedter Strasse- at the "Milchhof" you'll discover new wonders of modern art or more classical one. 

So even me can be surprised what people call art and even the best and greatest fan of art has his borders and to admit that you better draw the line somewhere... But where? The discussion goes on....

LOVE & LIGHT

A secret Island? Peacock Island

It's an Island, but not so big as you may expect and not so little when you know where to find this place. 

It's and historical landscaped garden near Berlin- actually just outside. It's a world heritage now and build or better those Island has been planed and made to walk around from the prussian king. Designed as a summer residence for the king. So what we see today is from around 1793- the little castle, the other buildings like churches and all you need for a model farm. But actually the Island was first called the rabbit Island as it was a breeding station in the last 17th hundred. But even this was not the first. 1685 the Johann Kunckel got the Island as a present to sett up a new way of making glass and to help the industry to get money on their feed back. He then discovered a process to produce red glass. But as times changed and Kunckel had no money coming from the Frederick Williams heir and the foundry was destroyed by a fire, he went to Stockholm and worked for the King of Sweden. 

So after nearly one hundred years the Island became the shape we know today. 

Now it is kind of a secret walk to take. Going by car or bus you have to take the last meters by boat. Then you have a lovely place in english style and very dreamy houses and fake old houses and fountains to cross. And the peacocks are really there now in color and white. Calm it is and there is also a place to play for children and some food to get for the older once. Then you can discover the place where the old palm house was and while the sun is burning you always have a shadow to cool you down. 

After leaving this Island you can choose to eat in the restaurant and then take the way next to the river, which is about 4-6 kilometers to the overground, but you can take the Bus when you have arrived at the Big Lion statue. 

So if you are in Berlin and have time over- Go and see Wannensee and Potsdam and there between is it- the Island.

Now some pics to imagine how nice it could be to be there by yourself.

you could hunt from inside that building- it's true they did

click on the pic

Wannsee beach on the other side which is kind of Easter sea beach for Berlin  people since a very long time

Love and Light

Why is it good to move?

Just now I moved into another flat with people together and we share a flat but are nor family or friends. We do it like many others in our towns these days for several reason and mostly because we don't have an own flat and it takes time to get one and you need not only a job, also the right amount of money and luck. 

I just moved the fifth time in nearly one year. Two times in Sweden and now three times in Germany. 

You can call it a hard way to live and yes it is not easy to just have two or three baggages with your things and nothing more as it is sure more easy to travel and move that way. 

Yes, you always have to start anew and look around what is in your new street and area, but as this may sound negative on first sight, it is a question of your thinking and so it can be actually more positive. How? You move not only with your body, you do so with your mind too and discover your town or the town you live in a new way. 

Which keeps you busy but also fresh in mind and wondering why so many people decide to stay on same place all the life. They have mostly maybe just learn it that way and maybe they heard about that and the changing which may or may not come and this scares them? 

We humans are so scared of so many and have been the surviver because we liked to discover new places and old places new. Sometimes I wonder has this gone, this spirit of wanting to know more. Has it? But then most people sure never were much into risking too much in every time episode of human kind. Sadly I think they miss a lot and not only to get to know more about the place also about them self and life itself. 

This makes me thinking of a fact which could make me angry any time but is just sad. The closed mind of people or the choice they made just to see thinks from their point. Sometimes when I read comments on Facebook where people forget that people have a life and it is so different and we don't really know who others think and why they act this or that way but instead of thinking twice they choose to ignore and fight against others. Sure just with words but so stupid. We are on a verge where things need to change but we can't be all on same place on the same time. Especially when it is about human rights. We all have our everyday life. Like it or not but to fight for t.ex. nature rights does not mean you can and will do it all your time and on every demonstration. But also we focus nowadays far to many times on the difference instead of what we have in common. Another reason why I think it is very healthy to move. Move from your space and try something new. Open your mind and put away what you have believed till today or what you believe to know as many thoughts of you are just your collection of silence thoughts. Open up and be more grateful for what is functional and what you can do instead of blaming others not to come on the same time. Listen more carefully too. And let lose all your fights you had (with someone else). They are gone, matter no more. You are just a sad figure if you keep them alive. 

We all have our opinion but we should not forget how easy others will take it away from us to first please us and then fight us. Those people are just waiting out there for a chance to shine from your light but their will darken your sight. 

So question what you see and what is going on.

Question before you suggest.

Question before you shout and say it is so, as you might be wrong bur once the word is out you have no control over it anymore, whatever you do.

With these thoughts of mine I leave you and wish you all my Love & Light