Why are disabled still second class?

How come disabled people are still second class people? 

Just now in Great Britain politic decided to cut the weekly money transfer to help survive the dayly life, with 30 Pounds. 

In Germany the AfD, a fashist party, now being more and more part of politic has in its agenda the cut of nearly all help for disabled people and want them also in prison if they are hard to handle like when they have a mental illness. 

Why is it that people think you must be stupid or not healthy in your mind when it is about people with MS and other body diseases or when they sit in a wheelchair because they maybe had an accident? Why is there still so less understanding about dementia?

I know long time ago, like hundred years ago, human kind did not knew better, but today, we should. Especially in the western world. How many science do you need to believe that? How many great examples do you need? I mean take Beethoven, Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo, John Nash or Hawking.... and all those around you... you mostly don't see or only on youtube maybe.

Why then so many think a disabled man can't be part of society? Why do so many think they can't work or help or even teach us a thing or two?

They are not lazy, they do not need some extra, they don't want something special, they just want the same as you. A life, respect and being part of all of us. 

Even when they need a lot of help, they help us to learn much about ourself. To be calm, to trust, to see and understand, to feel and not forget how vulnerable we are and that sometimes those "sick" people are stronger then the healthy one.  

Most of those disabled people would like to live on their own and have enough money so the need for extra help would be not necessary. But as it is because they are second hand people, they have less chances to learn proberly, to work the way they could and so they earn as less as possible. 

I remember very well that in the GDR (East Germany) disabled people got not many jobs to do. A human who had hearing problems got the choice of 20 different jobs and all but one was to work at a machine and do each day the same two task. 

If you could only understand that they can more then you let them, they would give. 

Yes there are those who will always be in need of someone to watch over them. 

But we are humans. What makes us better if we do not cherish our weak parts. We are all worth the same. We should all know that but we don't. 

I believe it is our duty to help the disabled people as a society. Then we would also watch our language more as we often use words wich discriminate the disbabled, as those words classify them worth less, sometimes worth nothing. 

Isn't it all a point of view? A man who is heard of hearing can work as good as you do, maybe even better, but that human is not at all automatically stupid, just because he hears less. A mental ill can produce dishes good as anyone else. Why then give them not a chance? Why do we already give the disabled children the feeling of being an outsider, not much worth and give them a much lesser chance? Yes, it all starts there. 

I am not saying we should take them as china and do all to compromise the illness. I believe that disabled people have to also go into the crowd and try to come in (not meaning: fit it). 

As a human hard of hearing by myself I know I can try to tell people to speak more clearly, or just more slow, but I know in the everyday life I have to expect that they don't do, as simple many forget, so I have to find a way to connect and if needed I must tell them, must please them to say things again or different. 

Disabled people are not helpless, if you teach them that they can do more then they believed.  

I say this as many parents of disabled children are a reason why they are quite helpless alone. My mother always thought me to do the things by myself. She sad, if you want it, then go ahead, find a way, just do. If you fail after all, then I can take a look and maybe help out. 

I am very grateful for that.

And by the way, a disabled person may be strong but if someone tells us in a negative way or just in fun why we can't what we can't, it hurts. 

It's like when I don't understand a second or third time, I get to hear like- what's wrong, are you hearing badder, is your aid off... but I simple do not understand sometimes and it's not my fault and so yes it hurts, it's a weak part as I feel disqualified, thought I know people don't mean that rude or mean. But it hurts.

That's the same with people who have dementia. They get hurt when you talk to them that way and when you believe they don't want to work with you, but the truth is, they simply can't, thought they try and are ashame in the same time. 

Feeling of being a second class is never a nice feeling and many should know that, but forget that when it is about disabled people. Sadly, for many it seems a fact that disabled means hopeless, just work and a thing you want to avoid seeing, as it shows you (unaware of that fact are the most) that you could be that person, it can be your future. 

No wonder many are so surprised if it happend to them and ask themself- why me?! But that question comes because it is seen as something negative. 

So put a little love in your heart and read about disabled people, get to know them, ask them about their lifes, what they feel, want and can. Help them to achieve as much as possible and make them be part of us. Watch your words and remember we are humans, we can help,  we know, we learn, we can understand, a gift only we humans have.. so let's use it!

LOVE & LIGHT

journey through a year

Every year is an adventure, is a new journey in your life.

Some years have more to give to you, then you'll expected it. 

Some years are less dramatic and others have many changes on the way.

My year was literally a journey to different places, old and new ones and also in making decision where and how to go on. 

Starting with a new job in sight, I flew to Thailand to visit a friend and to discover a new and different country. I went from Bangkok to the South coast and then through the whole south from near Malaysia up to the "James Bond" Island, over to Phuket and then with the plan high up to the North and landed in Chiang Mai and took the bus down again to finally be back in Bangkok. 

A fantastic journey where I not only got to see wonderful places, but also met new people and tasted food I never eat before. But this you can read and follow from my post from this year after January. http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/02/thailand-journey-part-1.html

Then back in Berlin, Germany I discovered that things went another way then planed. The job as a teacher would not become true yet, as the whole school did not open. Seemed the boss got cold feet about the financial challenges. So starting searching for a new job as I have just left Sweden. 

So starting again was not my problem as I did this several times. You know I always believe that you have to go your way and it will bring you to the places and experiences you need and want to go. Sometimes time is ready, sometimes you are not. So it seemed in this case that I won't be lucky in Berlin and so I went back to Sweden and there I was very lucky. Just there was again a promising job or two in Berlin. Now it was time to think and write down what to do and how. Finally I decided for Berlin as it did look better. Turns out the job they wanted to give me is different then what they told me. http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/03/up-and-down-back-again.html

I declined but then was without a job. Starting all over again.  

Now many people would feel that everything is going wrong and whatever you do, you seem to choose wrong, but I believe there is a lesson in everything and one is to believe and have patience. 

While searching again I worked at my personality. Things which I wanted I did and some things I wanted to change, I went to people who could help me. You know sometimes you need other people to look from another angle. 

I also made another interview and wrote a lot this year on my blog. http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/04/jan-bo-vinter-poulsen-interview.html

That did indeed help. And I had -like it seems - the universe also working for me. A love came into my life and two people left my space. 

I still think about them, but less now and let them go there way. Though we did not parted the nicest way and a misunderstanding led them away, but sometimes you just have to let it go. People have to make their own experience and must always pay for what they do. You can't always safe or change or make it better. Sometimes you have to trust and which the best inside you for them. 

This is also a journey.

Then I discovered my own town again. Like a tourist. Strange in a way. 

http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/04/berlin-walk-secret-way-with-me.html

Finally having my new job and getting also the experience that working as usual is never again the solution, I began a new chapter and also started to go to university again. Well, not again, the first time and will do so the next three years, next to my job. 

In the same time I missed my Sweden and therefore I flew back to meet my friends. 

http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/09/make-break.html

When I came back again to Berlin, I realized that my love affair with Berlin is over. Also I already moved another time (the sixth in one year) and started living in an area I have never been much before. It's a nice area and quite. 

Now living with my love is something new for me, as I always lived alone at my very own place but it is nice and wonderful, thought a challenge for both of us too. 

But like in the last years I have become a traveler. 

Manchester was it in autumn and London. Something new and something old- like the saying goes. 

That was exciting, beautiful and lovely. 

http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/11/manchester-united-or-visite-in-red-town.html

Now that the year has nearly gone I have worked at my new working place a while and had a lot of challenges. A lot stress and a lot to think about. A lot to deal with and try to figure out how to do best, as I lead a team and manage the quality and also doing nursing. Quite a lot and then I have to keep in mind there is a dog home, a love and then my friends. Stay tuned to what they do and how they feel is something I try to fix as good as I can, while learning and doing everyday things which have to be done and also christmas presents will be bought and wrapped. 

To get christmas feelings is something I still wait for.... It is not really coming up..  Am to much bussy. Very much like in the last years it takes  a while. But don't worry, the spirit comes along...always. 

http://one-thing-to-remember.blogspot.de/2015/12/the-holy-family.html

Yes, this year also had its dark political effects. The racism came back into open field and the hate, the gun shootings have become kind of everyday thing and the bombs inside our heart have tried to destroy our faith in democracy. The results of mistakes come to real danger now as one of the mistakes was to keep people stupid in many ways. But also we had many light hours, hours of hope and courage and people seem to awake from a coma they have been or getting away from being blind to being more the seeing eye. 

Sure next year is a leap year but also a year for decisions. Again, we face important times and the decision we will make will more then ever lead the way for the next future. 

So what future do you want?! 

Meaning, it is time to stand up and even when we fear one or two things could go wrong or go a way we don't like. But let's be true, a change never leaves you without the question what to let lose and give up. A change is only possible if you leave things behind and that means also things we are used to. Sometimes we have to free our self from things to get free and to be able to do the next step, even when we fear the future, because if we don't we come to the point where we must and then it won't be that easy, that nice, that way you like to have it. Now you still can decide and go the way, find your way easier then later. 

That is also why christmas is a god start to be grateful and think about what you have as most of us are really rich, and some are rich for the wrong reason and others believe them self poor for the wrong reason. 

Many things come a bit later then we believe or should I say expect, but they do come true if you hang on. I can tell you from my own experience. Many things come when the time is right, when you are ready and the situation is as it is needed. Therefore have patience and go on the way you want to. Keep your goal in mind and do all on the way which gives you what you need and want. A bit planing is also good and then be flexible. That way you can react and catch what you need and come along the way you desire. Make your own path. It's true, it is the only you'll become happy. Which does not need we can go together, cross our ways, but just remember, you have to walk alone on your own way. 

That means sure not to care to much what people say, but listen to them is necessary. It gives you the information you need to reflect yourself. 

Now, let me send you some love and light and which you a merry christmas. Whatever you do, wherever you are, make the best of it. I will be working most of the holidays but am happy anyway. Be happy, be grateful and try to shine and let the sun shine in your heart. Make yourself some beautiful moments, just because YOU deserve it. Do it all for you, instead for the others. Do what makes you happy. Do what you like.  If it is just to give a smile. 

LOVE & LIGHT

Let there be light!

Since a few years each October you'll find thousands of people on the street when it's dark in Berlin.

It's the festival of light and goes three days but actually starts a week before with the weekend of lights. So artist and other people use the open space, or streets and buildings to put light on them and then to change over to put projections instead. 

Many famous buildings are the victims but also bridges and unknown houses get lifted from a colorful ray of light. 

This weekend since friday, you'll see moving pictures on the wall, or changing images. 

It has not only become very popular to take a walk through dark Berlin in autumn until the morning drops. It also has become much better now. 

The pictures you are going to see are more amazing now and even surprising. Of course most buildings who got a shine on are at -Potsdamer Platz-  or -Brandenburger Tor- and on the street -Unter den Linden-. These are the main places, if you like it to call them. Even the famous -Ku'damm- is with. And many more and so you have to decide which route to take. Tourist shops and information places and hotels will help you for sure to find out what you want or is best for you as you also can be on a boat tour. 

So if you are in Berlin do that walk and discover! But be aware it is cold and even when you can buy the first "Klühwein" you are going to feel cold if you have no scarf and other cloths to keep you warm as you have to wait on some places to watch all the images. 

This year I did a 2,5 hour tour and it is much colder as last year, otherwise I sure would have stayed longer. But maybe you are stronger. Just know until tomorrow midnight you are able to enjoy this event and next chance is not before next year October. 

Still not sure? Well, look at the pics I made... they may give a little idea and feeling to you.

Love & Light

near Potsdamer Ptlatz

a game of cards and a hotel in fruit

Brandenburer Tor

our wonderful Staatsoper- colors like music

August Bebel Platz where the "Progrom night" took place 1933 and the burning books have been

even chines art is to see

our Univeristy- Humbold Universität

the University and Humbold himself in front of it or better an image of him

on the corner of the Deutsches Historisches Museum near the Museumsinsel

Deutscher Dom and even my mobile was able to make a good pic as Love is all we need

The new hate?

One of the question many still have for people who lived around 1930 and after is- how could this happen? Mostly this question is ask to germans, but let's be true it is a question to all of the western world. How could they do nothing?

They did nothing? Well, some tried to avoid, some did flee and some fought for the right to be and stay and told people how wrong it is to say that only the white, non jewish man is the right and true human.  And yes, it all started much earlier and we discover now these days how long some thoughts already sat in people minds. How much it was a normal thing to believe that people are not worth the same and it does matter where you from, even thought already that time people could and should have known better as they realized and found out with science how wrong some of these thoughts have been.

But now we are in a new time and it seems a new hate is growing and growing and using the same lies as they used it before but many of those who spread the hate and hurt people and burn people are young people. How could this be? Where did they learn to think so wrong and to hate and believe that a problem will fade with hate and killing people. 

Is it to feel power by giving fear? Is it to feel stronger by beating up a so called weak human?

Is it that it seems more easy to shout how bad the world is instead of doing good by yourself and those people understood only- do something by yourself because the politics will not and you have to do it right and that means fight and hate and trying to make sure that no one will get in the way?

It sure is that many of those young people have a very simple view on the world and things and therefore have more easy to believe those lies about the jobs taking away and the money wasting stories, even thought everywhere they can find the truth that it isn't that way and even cruelty is mostly made by their own people and not a foreign one and the marriage is not getting down by some gays. But how can we make them listen? 

How can they understand if they don't even listen to people like the president? Thought they have reacted very, very late and just in small and light words instead of taking action and stand up and be clear and loud and believable but power seems to distract them. 

How can we also change the view of people if the press is mostly showing the negative sides, letting the hate pass without a comment as they say it is press freedom and freedom of speech? How can a man  who believes that all people from saudi arabia, syria and so on are bad people  and so they believe they are in fact different and difficult, when the press is telling only stories about those who make problems and it also looks like all of them or  most of these humans are the same, even thought this is in no way the truth? How can we change their minds if young people believe that all in the internet is true, because they haven't learn to differ? Just take those mobile thing. The story that a refugee with a mobile can't have it that bad. Or if they paid such amount of money, they should not be here. 

Yes, some people try to make the internet the place also for making a way for the truth or part of it and telling people about those lies. But how can we make them listen and believe, when they have such a simple view on life and those things in the world and then those simple thinking makes them feel stronger and being part of a group which seems more worth? How can you open a closed mind? 

But then to go back in time, even clever people have been nazis and fascists. 

Yes, propaganda once started, is hard to avoid and to change people later into a new system is not easy to do if able as they have to make believe and to understand and not just say the words they read without feeling. No wonder that so many stayed the same in silence when it is about their believes and the shock of being wrong suddenly is also a reason and oh not to forget that far to many had not only the same job, they went on like they never did anything wrong. 

Rasism has become normal again in many countries, thought it has never for real left the building. 

We have the very same condition as 1900 and also far to many people are acting the same, even in politic they react the same.  The silence is again very strong and the warning words come from some people but not those who should know better. A president, a minister or one of all the others so called important people- they all should have open up much earlier.  How many mistakes we made, it is none of the matter as we must do right now and change what has to be change and do what has to be done and also give the possibility to do it, because a law can only come in effect, if the government gives the money to pay people to do so. And of course to make the law clear and to use it wise and to use our minds. It's a shame that we put foreign people far away from our towns and forbid them to do a step outside that place. It is a shame that we need far to much time to prove and give a chance of a new life. It is a shame that we act blind as a government when people are in need of food, cloths or a warm place. It is a shame that most help these days come from private people and organisation because the government failed again and again and again. It is a shame that we still discuss to open or close the borders, when we know it does not matter for those in need, in pain, in fear or without any hope on their place if they will try to come or not. They will come, no matter what just it matters in the way that a closed border brings more dead people. 

The question is, if the government, the politics are in the way interested to help or not. It is about money, power and international connection. But those who make war, those who sell weapons have to take the refugees who flee from our guns and bombs and the hate we build up with that. 

Yes, we have less wars as ever but more refugees and harder situation in the countries in war and also those who had war. But the western world made it worse in the last 50 years in many countries by our way of acting like an ignorant asshole who believed to know always better. 

And now lets look on us today. What can we do? Shout out? Stand up! Fight the hate but with words, with peace, with love, with songs, with helping people and with writing and talking about that and also with being on the streets and tell our government and president to act in the name of equality! of respect! out of the knowledge that we have to do it with humans and we all did wrong far to long and that it is time to tell the truth and act like that. It's enough! It's enough!

We don't need to change the law, we just have to act. We have to name hate and terror from our own people and give them law and order and show them the right way, the way of non hate and respect. 

We have to discover civil courage again!

Many countries these days have right wings politics and those have become in many places much stronger then 1930! How will this lead to a better and brighter future, if we act the same as our grandparents did? Remember we still ask how could they?! It is the way we do today, if we do not change and these days the possibilities, the ways of finding a way out are much better, much more and open to all of us. No one can say we did not know the results! And after all why not telling and naming the right wing what they are?! It is time and also we have to tell it like it is with the hard left side- they are to name the same and so we can make clear that extremist sides are not humans sides. 

It is time! The new hate has to stop! We are humans and are all equal! We need to look closer and change for real. As fast as we can and as good as we can, otherwise we will land in war and hate and repeat history one more time. This would be a sad thing. And yes this is real now.

Love and Light

Once in Sweden

Now it is nearly a year ago that I started working in Sweden a second time. Thought it feels unreal that times flies that way and I am pretty sure if I had decided to stay, I would work there and be happy, but I did decide to be back in Berlin and to study on University. 

After all, this year is all about the future and getting near me, myself and I- to make changes. 

Yes, some things must be left to start new things and for some things I feel simple too old, and not because I think it is not allowed to do this and that because of my age, it is just simple, I feel the time is over for some things. 

Does not mean I discover them again in a view years. 

But what I was not so sure of was Sweden in future as I thought it maybe would be the end of our story, but it seems it will not be like that. As a town people of course it is much about Gothenburg and Stockholm. Over the years I got to know them better and because of my friends I also got to know things better there. Thank you for that!

It is very much a difference if you are a tourist or actually living there. 

As I worked in Gothenburg I remember the places and names of them much better and could walk with closed eyes and I still dream and think in Swedish and even at work sometimes I first know/ remember the swedish word before I catch the german version. 

Sure when it is about the weather it is very clear that Berlin wins high. But as I already know you can have a good year there and here and also very much have a cold summer and rainy days. Sometimes it is warmer in Sweden then in Germany or Berlin. Even in winter it can happen and happened that it was very much colder in Berlin then it was in Gothenburg and Stockholm. 

What I like to remember from Sweden is the relaxing way of living they use to have, thought it can led to being lazy and unable to do something, but Berlin has a way of being aggressive under the surface. This town Berlin has still much to learn and conquer and to get used to the diversity of people and make them part of it all as it is in London t.ex.. 

As I like architecture it is always interesting to see how buildings are in other countries and why I like them or not or how you can see the age of a town and the history and styles through the centuries. 

I very much like it t.ex. that the roofs of the new buildings are not flat like it used to be in Germany. You don't feel like living in a box and it seems more natural, like a tent. Which also makes them look nicer and the wood look is something I appreciate in Sweden, even know most new buildings do not have wood walls. They just look like that. But this also gives me a warmer feeling of a town. 

I also remember my colleagues with whom I worked in Gothenburg. They all have been very patience with me and respectful and also gave me the chance to learn and grow and get to know them. It is not a simple thing you can expect but I was a lucky one to have such good companies around me and I am very happy to still be in contact with them. The work in Sweden gave me much and I learned a lot and also it showed me how much we have to do in Germany to reach a better level in nursing again. The situation is far worse in Germany as you may believe and even known not all is just good in Sweden, it is much more fun and was for me- to work there. After all, work should be also something you like and get up to every morning (or next to every day). 

When you get friends in Sweden, in my experience, they are very open minded and warm then to you and will welcome you and that is not so easy to achieve as you may think. So again, I call myself lucky. 

Just now I remember all this, but you can be sure I have also the not so good things in mind, as it is everywhere the case- no place is perfect. 

Now some pictures , some you may already know and some you never saw at my side... and have a great July.

LOVE & LIGHT

The Struggle

I guess each of us has this one year, where nothing, really nothing goes as planed or imagined. Usually it never goes exactly the way it was thought, but sometimes you have that one year, where nothing goes  right and then you question everything next to all the time. 

So one of the challenge is not to think to much and question all the time, but in this year all your believes are shattered. Unfortunately many people will not take it as a chance and after that year of freedom to decide, they go on as it never was (thought they always have a freedom to decide, just many don't believe in that possibility). Mostly of fear or they simple don't know better. But some people and I can tell yeah many of my friends and part of my family- and me, we try to use that time to reconsider, to think and ask ourself. What next? Where to go? Because you feel deep inside that this year means you have to finally say goodbye to some things for good. May it be thoughts, may it be what you worked with. I am sure most of you have already started this process the year or years before like I because we looked at our future and already knew it need a change if we wanna stay lucky and get happy. So it is nothing really new coming up that year, but it is very clear you have to do something as your body shows you more and more with t.ex. illness and the things you do are not functional anymore. They're over.  Obviously- but that is something you must see and this is only able when you are open minded.

Sometimes it also means to ask yourself where to live. Staying on the same place or leaving. Leaving for a bigger town or another country? What is it you'll gonna do, that will be your work in the future and what job is to put away for all and forever. 

For me it will be nursing this year, as I since two years feel that it is over and done with it, especially in Germany as working here is not really fun and will damage your health in the end and I already feel the effect of 15 years. In Sweden I had a much better working situation as a nurse. But I am not saying that my people here with whom I work together are bad. It is just that I can only work just as a nurse for medicine and will also study to be a teacher for the next generation of nurses. 

Of course many things have to change in that area, but this is another story.

For me it is also a year of the question where to live as I do have no own flat and so no place to sett my feet into the ground. Just now it feels I am nowhere home, thought I have a feeling being home in Berlin and Gothenburg. But without a job it is hard to find something. 

Now my living situation is very much like it has been and would be in Gothenburg above the job. But I decided to stay in Berlin, because of some reasons. Funny thing is one was to get faster an own flat, as it takes much time, to be exact years sometimes, in Gothenburg. 

What helps is the fact that I do have friends and that I decided to throw away what I believed about many things and that I go out and try out more then before, because I don't wanna wait and maybe it's the age, but I do care less what others may thing when I am out. 

But I did have new challenges in good and not so nice ways in private life too. Quite a lot to deal with and had also to made final decisions. On the other side, the more I do, the easier it gets. 

Also I am more political and less patience with some things that happen. I will not wait no longer; want to hear any longer that I am not equal. I am. I want the same rights and I want that people learn to focus on the common things more and more and be also in the same time more radical. Tolerance can be misunderstood and misused. I get tiered of those lying games. 

So trying and remember to have patience and to trust in the future as I still am not in the place I thought I would be already this year. It is sometimes less easy as I would like to have it. Also I feel that my hometown Berlin has become more aggressive and got to many tourist. The town is not ready for that and has to learn to deal with diversity more. But it seems that people are still not seeing that. Sadly it's very much Kindergarten going on. Which makes me angry sometimes. Berlin is young and will hopefully learn to make it like London but for that we also need a vision for Berlin, which I don't see and actually is missing since the end of world war one and sure two. 

Well one of the fact you know about such a year is also that you know it will make a point to break and come or start into a new future. Sure not everything is new, but you'll gonna have a new focus and grow out of the old and maybe also some habits will change in that year and maybe the way you look too. You simple know that whatever you do it will be important for your future as you start the things you need and let go the things which keep you away from it. You have learn what you are worth and will stay on that level and never go back. Yes, I read the other day that it would be less good to just take a downgrade just because you don't have patience. I managed to always stay minimum on same level, if not getting better/ up. 

I already felt the effect of having a less nice flat to live in as I used to and how it effects thinking and acting. So never let things keep you small or make you smaller as you are. 

Of course I am a lucky person as I do live in ol' Europe. I am very happy about that and will continue to discover it as I believe I will live again in another country. Just don't know where it will be. Berlin is a nice place, but you need to get away sometimes. I've learned through the last 5 years how good it was to be away and discover the town new and from an other point of view. But all in all those year gives me sometimes the hard feeling of a struggle as decision are going another way as planed and I have to try and try and try and wait and wait and trust. 

I know it has been just the first half of the year but never felt like this before as it would already have gone by a whole year. So I have to avoid question like- what if- as they lead to nowhere. But then, everything is getting good and better in the end and if not, it's not the end.

Love & Light

Two hearts

Now I am back in Berlin, Germany and it has been two months ago that I was leaving Gothenburg. 

Leaving again, as it was my second time I was working there. This time much longer and in town. 

Thinking back now and watching the pics I have made. I feel my heart pounding. In a god way and it is also interesting, as it is more then I expected. 

As starting again in Berlin has become much more different as planed, I wonder, but have no regrets. 

You know, it seldom goes the way as planed and in the end mostly you see why this was better. 

Thought it can be a challenge to have patience with yourself and how things are going on.

One is to discover that bureaucracy has become worse since 2013 when it is to work in another country. Had I known this, maybe things have already went another way. But so it is and I have to do as needed. 

Even when I know much more then before that my heart is bound to Berlin, I still have part of it in Gothenburg. Of course, it never was such a bad place. It was the other way round and above the trouble I had, I had a god time and working there was nice and I learned so much. 

Lucky as I am, I am still in contact with my colleagues and that is a very nice feeling.

When I was in Thailand in January, I felt leaving was right and in the same time it began to feel like all what was happening is from a long time ago. Same now with my feelings of the Thailand journey. Feels already as it is from another life. Pictures can't bring back the feeling you had when you've been there. It's a memory of the fact what you felt. 

So looking at the picture from Gothenburg, I see the beauty and understand how easy it is to look over what was not so nice. In my mind I know the problems I had and why some things bothered me. But looking back is kind of doing it with a soft eye. 

Crazy thing is, when I am here I miss the other town. If I am there I miss my town here. Even known that I am more a -Berliner- and feel very comfortable here with all the things going on in town here, I sometimes still wonder, if I could live again soon in Gothenburg or Stockholm. But when I look on the job/ work I wanna do- I know I'll stay here quite a while. 

No, working in Sweden was nice, but how it went on was not the way I expected. But you live to learn and see how you can find the right way. 

Of course I am maybe thinking too much and just now I have more time as planed for such.

I wait for the time to know, how does it feel when I am working and learning again in Berlin. And how will it feel when I am back in Gothenburg to see my friends, colleagues and the places I worked at. 

When I left I was not that sure if Sweden would play a bigger part in my future. Now I think, it will, but maybe not that big just now, but maybe, many years from now I try it again, but who knows how the world, the politic and the private life will change. Maybe I first try England, as I am very curious to see how living there would be. So making my next journey when I have my holidays is already planed.

Yes, I am one of those who have to see the world, to try the things on other places and find out, if there is a place I am gonna settle down for a couple of years. 

I am free. Still have just myself to feed and pay my own bills. 

Sure not getting any younger but who can tell me it is impossible to try? No one! 

LOVE & LIGHT

licorice ice cream

an now Germany/ Alexanderplatz- Berlin