Att gråta och att skratta

To cry and to laugh. This is what comes to mind when I read the book from Anders Paulrud - Ett ögonblicks verk-. 
And also when I think about december-time. 

The book is a drama of a childhood, a lovestory of a strong man and about a survivour and fighter in hard times, just like ours. It's about how to grow and what you make of it and how long it takes to understand things truely. It is about that your future is not only made of your past and what has happend to you. It is also what you think. 

In this book you will be remind that there are memories in life and things you forgot, but also things you'll never forget but can't call memores as they have become part of you, live inside you for good or for worse. 

This book also tells us about a time, most of us born after 1950 don't know about but we can learn from that time as just now many things are very similar to what it has been then. 

A very passionate book, a happy book, a page turner and something to bite in. A book which will make you angry and then hopeful too. It will make you look at yourself and wonder where you stand. 

Sadly as far as I know you can only read it in swedish. Could not find any sign that it came out in another language, but maybe my google is lazy. 

If you find the english version, write me and I will put it up here, so you can read the book in english or so too. It's a little but fine book and once you've started, you know you have a wonderful written experience in your hand. 

Anyway, this book made me think more about december. A month where the days get shorter the dark nights darker and longer and the days in most parts of the world colder. The depression is waveving at us and we have to be careful not to let it in. Many people get sad or stressed. But there are also happy moments when we think about christmas is coming and seeing friends and when we sing together, come together to celebrate. Many times people gather together with the family however big this family may be and we have the mix of everything there. The good and the bad. 

Then we cry of laughter, cry of sadness. We laugh because we are happy or just lucky. We talk about what we want, where we are and if this is makig us happy. Sometimes we are scared of the facts we put together, sometimes we realise that change is gonna come no matter what. Sometimes we talk about death and how we want to die and what people should do with us then. We talk about politics and how we are not happy with it. We wonder about the question of learning from mistakes. 

But we also talk about how happy we are to be alive, how long we have survived and what wonderful gifts we've got. We talk about how grateful we are to have a home, to know that we can go the way we want and make the choice we need. We will be happy to have changed sometimes or moved to another place. 

Maybe after a stressful day we are just happy to have a cup of hot chocolade in the dark afternoon under the candle light. December is not only a cold and freezing time. It can be also very romantic. Can be a reason to stay home and cuddle and watch a movie. 

Maybe then, we understand that things don't have to be perfect to feel perfect. 

Happy holidays , merry christmas and have a wonderful advent time. (be sure it is not my last post this year- so don't worry ;-)..)

LOVE & LIGHT

Do they know it's not christmas yet?

Could not deny to make this title up as I just hear the german version of the classic -Do they know it's christmas-. A charity song and so many more came but the question remains- can this be all? What does this mean? Well, this is a question for you to discuss: I better write now about christmas markets. First this year was for me in Manchester, but home back in Berlin we also have quite a lot. To be true, around 300 all through these december days until the new year eve arrives. 

One christmas market which is still young, as they opened first time around five years ago is today the topic. You maybe know I have lived in Sweden and worked there too. It's a important part of my life and in my heart. Just one year ago I was in Gothenburg and had my life there including christmas time and markets. So what would be better to visit the Lucia Christmas market in Berlin. 

We have actually two- one is much older and comes from the Swedish church in Berlin, the other has been build up from private people. Thought I heard Ikea now has also its own christmas market. Should check out this for this year. 

Now Lucia is a very important tradition in Sweden and best to follow in churches there, thought Swedish people are not much a believer in religious, but they still pay for church... many times. But this is also another blog to dig deeper in.

Now the thing with new success is that in the first three or four years you'll have the best fun, not to many people, not to much commerce and an easy going feeling and hoping for better times. Sadly when more people come and want to enjoy the same experience it changes to successful but less comfy. Like this year when I arrived, there have been so many people that you could only move in very little steps. 

But nevertheless it is a very cosy and nice christmas market and has actually mostly scandinavian things to sell and food and drinks to enjoy and also each version of Glögg. Even Island was part of this crowed. Just keep in mind to come early or after five. 

The market is inside the Kulturbrauerei in the famous Prenzlauer Berg, near underground station Eberswalder Strasse and that makes it the little market inside the building complex which is made of very old houses and with its red color it is also very right for the market. You feel surrounded of walls who seems to protect you and you feel save. The world is kind of outside and far away. 

So if you are in Berlin- go there, have fun, eat, drink and play the games. Try the tent or let your children spring high as they can. 

LOVE & LIGHT

Living a positive life

No, this is not a blog about how to stay positive, think positive, lead positive or act positive or even talk positive instead of using negotiations. 

It's about the HI Virus. Something we still deal with. No, it's not the worst disease and also not the most dangerous one. I already wrote a several times about that. Still we see a rising in numbers of infections after all the years. Still no way to avoid it with a vaccination. But the med has become much better and people live nearly normal. Nearly as most hide the fact that they are one of those who are taking the pills or at least are under the eye of a doctor. Thought still it did not went through to many people that those are the safest contact you may have as they are controlled and most of them are very looking to not bring anyone in danger. Thought those who take the pills mostly nowadays have undetectable virus status. Means there is no safer way as this one. But yes using condoms still is something you should do with sex with strangers as to protect yourself from other diseases who are actually more easy to get and if they are not discovered after, they can cost much more damage then you believe. They can also lead to dead. But in a relationship with clear borders and truthful talking it is most safe to have sex without condoms with a positive human. 

But the backlash those peoples get nowadays from media and others is a sign, that we deal with a lot more then just a disease. It's the image of sin, of hate and weakness, of -Only the others can get it but me!- believing. It's the try to point a finger to others and call them shameful names and make them victims and outsiders no matter what. 

It's the ignorance that each can get it, that you don't see it in peoples face if they have it or not and after all it is still the sign that we do not talk when needed about it. It is because we have hard to talk to each other about sex and all the things around when it is earnest, when it is private and mostly when you are in passion. We fear the stigma, we fear being pushed away. We fear to be called names we are afraid of. We are also often afraid of being true to our self and that is because most of us do not have safe sex each time. 

Talking about HIV and AIDS in public is talking about sex, thought this disease has more then one way to come to you and sex is just one of those many possible ways, but there are no stupid mistakes. 

Most afraid are those who should know better. Nurses. Far to many still fear to much and know to less and try to ignore the theme. Far to many would not like to work with someone who is infected as they are afraid of getting it. Stupid. No logic. Yes, but it has to do with fear, wrong pictures and preconceptions who are hard to destroy and it is also the sex thing. 

It would be much easier when we take it like cancer. But no, we still make a big fuss about it. More then it should. But industry and politic makes it even harder to get away with stereotypes. They want them alive for the sake of money and pride. 

In the last year many publishing organization and helping organizations have changed the way they talk to people as they have understood that reaching them is not to get with one advert. Even less with the same for each and everyone. We have to go to the streets, to school, to conferences, to radio and clubs to reach each, as they are different, in their own way.

But it is still hard to get people who are infected to talk openly. They still need a strong back and background. They still need self confidence and must have had already some kind of career as being open pushes you in new directions and can cost you your job. 

So I'll understand that nurses don't tell but know they should but can't. But times are on the side of being open as the medicine makes it clear that you are no danger as a nurse for no one. Your treatment will protect them and you. 

Nearly 35 years now since the first contact. 
First there was the wonder what is it. Then they fought the stigma it's the gay cancer. Then they fought the time as many died so fast and medicine became a question of dead and life and money. Laws made life harder and new investigation showed other ways to get infected. Then it was to stay alive as long as you can. Then, when living longer, maybe much longer made us wonder what to do with your time. Now we have time and a chance of a longer survive, we wonder how to make people less afraid and take the situation serious as numbers of infection rises again, but we also wonder how much is politic, how many lies are still on our way and what can we do? When will it get to normal, when to something some get some not. 

When will people be able to work no matter what? 

Nearly 35 years and still fighting. Still we die. But don't we all. 

Still we fear sex and the talking about it.

Still we deny the truth that life itself is risky. 

When do we leave all that behind and let fear, fear our positive mind. 

I remember the dead. But I also live with my positive friends side by side and love them and are fearless. 

How are you doing?

Be true to yourself. Don't be a shame. It is naturally you have doubts. It is the first step to go around and learn and let lose. 

Make being positive a positive thing.

A lesson of life and dead. 

Not only at the World Aids Day on the first of December.

Each day.

Each time.

LOVE & LIGHT

The lady in the van

Or how Maggie Smith does troll us again. 

Yes, Dame M. Smith is on again. Hardly making any holiday it seems from making movies and TV Shows and being guest on Talking Shows. 

Now she is playing another role of her live I may suggest. Thought she played this part already in the 90tis on stage in London- around 1999. 

Now the Lady in the van is a story which is more or lesson true and happend to be about a real person which Alan Bennet meet years ago. A women who came with her car and parked outside his new house and finally in his parking space/ garden and did not left him before 15 years have gone buy. 

The book is a bit different to the stage play and the movie also from both but after reading the book and seeing the movie I can assure you that the movie is a very good adaptation. Different from the storytelling but telling the story in a warm and nice way. With quite a lot of humor and a soft storytelling and this made it lovely to see, as the actors all had a very good chance to dig into the caracters and play as well as possible and even more. The story freely told and a bit like a fairy tale, touches and will not let you without tears of laughter and cry. 

It's not a big movie, not very long, but entertaining, marvelous and warming. You can watch it alone or with friends- it is always perfect. 

Maggie Smith who has the main part, plays that vagabond and a bit crazy women without any hasitation and completly without vanity. She shows age, she shows insanity, she shows hunger for life, but also fear and hope and the which of being human, being self. A stubborn person who seems to have her very own mind but not without logic. 

Alex Jennings who plays Alan Bennet and his second self is splendid in his douple role play. Naturaly and calm he declares this women, his story as something very natural, thought he shows how much this isn't the case. 

This idea is new in the movie as the book and play are telling the story more or lesson from his (Alan Bennets) point of view and kind of like he is sitting in a couch and telling stories for us to remember a women who declined and changed her name twice for not being noticed. Well, that lady will be remembered. Thought in the end you may say she is with us. 

So watch the movie and have your heart melt and your face with a smile in the end. 

P.S. you will also met two teachers from Hogwarts...

Love & Light

L-O-N-D-O-N or the stage for your holiday

Yes, this town never fails to show me new sides and as I have friends in town it is always great to see what to discover new or going to places I still have never been, thought I have been many times in London now. 

Again a rainy day and a storm warning from Gatwick and so my start was unsure and a bit of a bumpy ride then. Thought I had worse flights. 

But being much later in town as planed it was just to be flexible in making my decisions. 

As I arrived at London Bridge station, I went on to take a little walk through the South Bank to come to Waterloo station, where a dear friend of mine was waiting on a side of the station I have never been before and so it took me actually more time to find him, then the walk from one station to another. 

I really love the South Bank. There is all I want to see and always meet again when I am in London, from the Tate Modern, to the Globe, to the London Eye. 

But behind the Waterloo Station do people live and that was nice to see and as it also looked very like you imagine it, it was fun to stay at my friends home and area. Could also see from the window the Shark, as the trees have lost their leaves. 

That afternoon we went to the centre to Soho to eat in the Gay village and to walk around, look into stores and see what Oxford Street has to offer. 
The shopping malls have been dull and far to many H&M stores are in that area. Not a god sign I believe and usually shopping used to be nice there, but just now it seems very without fantasy. The musical theatre on the other hand, well there are many of them actually, all have been successful and a lot of people stood outside to come inside to watch the plays. 

The Carnaby Street was once a very good secret tip and you could shop alternative and special clothes there. Now it has changed totally. Blinking lights are fine but expensive shops and nothing special, alternative or something -a -like is there to find. Very sad. 

I so much remember the old way it was in the 90'tis. But Soho has nearly changed to the same thing, thought it is still Soho and the Pups are nice and the clubs are fun, but the shops have changed and it is much for tourists and people with money. 

The apple market was surprisingly nice and with mistletoes hanging around, I had to smile and wonder.  Thought all the stores are very expensive there too. 

Actually being around Soho and several streets from them made me feel it all is like a stage. All looked so similar to watching a movie in that area. It felt like being in a movie, not in a town. Wonder what people feel, who are going through this area every day. Do they still see? 

My friend and I had a very nice afternoon and eat good food and later went on to drink our coffee in a more quite place which we found not far away from Soho. Thought it was a stormy day, it felt like, the english people complain about something, which was not really that strong. I remember heavier storms in Berlin. 

Then our way was to go back and behind the Somerset House over the bridge where it has been very, very stormy and hard to make pictures of the skyline. The Waterloo Bridge is big and long but my decision for next day was made. Go back and take again some pictures in daylight.

Next day we came back but with a turn to Gabriel's Wharf, which is a little tip for amusing you, shopping nice and being next to the river and if you go round the house you'll see it is very old and very nice. 

Then after taking pics again, we went into the Somerset house and went through the portal and there we have the winter fun starting. Skate on Ice, a x-mas tree and x-mas shopping inside. How wonderful this was. Coming out of the Somerset to the street named Strand, you'll see the little Saint Mary -le-strand church in the middle of the street. No explaining to get. It just stands there. 

Now the Embankment was behind us and we walked on as our goal was to come to sky gardens. We booked our time before and you should do it too as it is not easy to get time to go up. So book in time!!!!

But we had time over and drove to science museum and it is as last time very interesting and we also watched two of the 3D movies - one was -The unseen and hidden world- and the other one was -Being in space-. Thought, I still must say the 3D movie about -Undersea- is best. But watch them anyway as it is fun and meanwhile you can also eat popcorn or if you don't watch it go to the museum coffee. 

Sky Garden then in the late afternoon is a spectacle up on the 35. floor, big, bigger then you believe and with palm trees, three restaurants and a bar more then just a place to look over town and see the sunset. Unlike the Shark. It is a place, a place to be, a place to meet, to celebrate and if you go to the restaurant, take the Darwin. Good food. Not too expensive and friendly and nice service. We had not booked a table but have been able to get one. The view was special and our time up there in the sky, between the clouds has been very amusing and nice. 

Later we went down to stroll around and took a coffee to go. 
Big towns always have an open coffee shop. :-)

But it was not that late and still time to do something. What can one do in the middle of the week? Go out dancing was not the plan so we went to cinema in the Odeon. Saw the -Lady in the van- and had fun that way. Yes, one should always go to cinema once in another country. 

Next day my way went to Hammersmith a very nice area and less tourist are to find and so you also see more how people do live and there are nice ways to take a walk at another river side. But on the way I stopped by again in Soho in the Greek Street to take our breakfast in the Maison Bertaux. Go there, best french breakfast, cake and so on in town I dare to say. Yummy and all self made and it is really very english and french in the same time being there. Little, with a bit of hustle and bustle in the morning, but then, charming and an original which is seldom now in that area. Just go there! 

In Hammersmith then, I was there to see the River House Trust again and to meet another friend. 

Of course we went into a Pup. England with not going in one of them would not be real. I just don't understand how one can drink beer before ten or eleven, or even 12 o' clock. 

Soon the time was over and I had to travel to airport, thought it seems always the same, the Gatwick Express can take a longer time then the normal Southern line train. Anyway, I was back in time and that was good as we had a lost baggage and police with big guns went around and all had to wait. I had also seen the many flowers in front of the National Museum by the way as Paris was not far away and long ago. 

But I am one of those who believes in now more then ever to live our life is best we can do instead of hiding. 

LOVE & LIGHT

...and of course PICTURES! 

Station London Bridge this pic and above

walk in the South Bank.. and pics below too

the Globe Theatre 

this place is well known, isn't it?

that is part of the apple market

x-mas decoration in SOHO

on the Waterloo Bridge

spot the LONON EYE

the same on daytime

Somerset House

in the science museum

sky garden just in front of the entrance 

right side is the Darwin restaurant

underground floor... many of them to walk along- that is LONDON

mince pie 

the golden swan in Hammersmith