Do you remember World Aids Day?

Do you remember the world Aids Day or has it already gone by and you forgot about it... and all the things around it...? Or do you have the feeling of having the need of getting to know more about it... What about movies, who show you some ways of living with HIV and Aids...?
Do you heard about the book and also the film "and the band played on"...?
It's the story of the beginning of all and how people use to act in 1980 and the years after and why it took such a long time to start finally the fight against this disease....

Another movie which is about the myth of patient Zero... You know a long time there was the story of a man who was the one who brought the virus to the states .... Well the movie, is kind of musical, part happy, sometimes, crazy but it won't let you go away easy at the end, because you will also get angry seeing some things which happened... but you have to laugh sometimes too... I mean singing butts...!

Another movie is about a dancer and how he learns to fight back and find love and life again.... The movie is a mix of just a movie of love, but also a movie of awareness and togetherness... Watch it if you can... It will give you hope, after all the drama you can get through sometimes...

Now I can recommend a movie, which is actually not one, it's a two part story.. based on an theater play and kind of fantasy and real story... The actors are part very famous, but all actors play very well and the storyline is really good and the rest as well and you get really an Idea from the time when all big lies starts and the fight and how the gays and the families acted and you also get an idea how to survive, but also which prize you pay... These 6 hours will make you think about what you have, but also leave you with a feeling of your own part of live... and by the way, the film has some scene that are more then worth watching... you really will like them... 

The next movie will show you that you can really make a comedy of such things like HIV and Aids... Captain Picard will lead you the way and mother Theresa is helping too... Fun Fun Fun is what you get, although it is much about what do we want and how to deal with it.... but then again... let's have fun with Yoko One!

But there are also to tell stories from other countries then the USA. France even has a very good Film series to show you, how heterosexual have to deal with it, how it was when you got infected blood and how people around you work or not ... well the series is very much worth seeing, because you get en idea of the time, the country, the lies, the way, the fight, the love and dead... Live isn't always fair but you have to go on... cos live does... watch it, but take your time... Viva la France... "What love means"

The last movie I'm gonna recommend to you is a love story.. a gay falls in love with a heterosexual and somehow their ways cross again and again and what are you capable to do, when you love someone.. and if this one is going to die.... will you let yourself into this? This movie is in my eyes very much worth watching for everyone, cos it shows you to ask yourself... what if you fall in love with someone who is ill, has a disease, will die in the next time... will you risk it? I really love this movie... and I hope it will make you stronger, when it is about love... no matter what... "The man of my heart"

LOVE & LIGHT

Theodor..

Ach ich liebe Kinderbücher und neulich habe ich wieder ein wunderbares Exemplar geholt...
"Der kleine Drache Theodor"... Ein Drache der nicht ganz so ist wie alle anderen... ein dichtender Drache, ein süsser Drache, einer der das Fliegen lernen will und doch nicht schafft, was alle anderen können.... Zu gross und zu klein zugleich.... So wunderbar erzählt und vor allem so wundervoll illustriert, das es eine wahre Freude ist hindurch zu blättern für jung und alt. Vor allem aber, das grosse Buchformat passt ausgezeichnet zu der ganzen Geschichte und den gemalten Bildern die so viel erzählen... Eine Geschichte, in die man sich wahrlich schnell verlieben kann....
Anbei ein paar Bilder aus dem Buch.... es lohnt den Kauf..... :-)

LOVE & LIGHT

looking back at the year

Looking back at this year.. It's time again... Yes it really is and therefor I have to take a deep breath and now I can start telling you.. it really was a year with many changes... many challenges... and many things turned out another way as planed.. but this is common... most time they do turn out in an other way then planed, right? ...

When I think back, first of all, I am so grateful having such good friends around me, no matter where they live now.. because a lot of my friends have moved and so I can really say in the name of the word.. they are worldwide... Oh I got to know a lot of new people and also did I met some old again, I have not seen for a while. 

I really must think hard to remember all the things that happen... The year stared with an job in a hospital, which turned out not to be my place to stay and so I went back to my old job. Did not work with the same people there together but then it was a new challenge...  and I also started learning something new to get a higher position in the house...which I will end next year and hope to pass the test in February. It turns out to be the best thing I could ever have done and I had the chance to start this work much earlier as planed. It's still a lot to learn and to get through with the new position and I never though it could be so much work.... made me realize how less a "normal" worker does know about the job in a higher position. You must know, sometimes I which I could have more time for my stuff at work to talk with, to cherish them face to face, but because there is so much to do, it is hard to stay on what you which... 

You know, I really care about the people I work with, I have warm feelings for them. Usually you think that people in higher position don't care much about you... and many times this is true, but not always. 
It is also nice to see some people grow and getting stronger with the time no matter if it's the "normal" stuff or the chef or someone another... Yes we have a lot to deal with and we all know that next year will be a big challenge to, but we can make it as long as everyone tries to do it's best and to become a better person. It really is that simple, just try to become a better person and most of the problems will be gone at the end.

I always use to have much warm feelings for people I just meet once in a while... just because they are... So I really enjoy seeing them no matter where we met.
Yes, like so many others I did let myself open for an affair or better for some love... but well... Just now I can say, as much as I kind of love the people I met, no one was the ONE... Well, that was because I was also thinking a lot about my own expectation....and had to change some.. let lose some... because sometimes, you walk in the right direction but still have pictures in your had you don't need, when you want something different as you still get or as I still got...

Letting lose got me ill sometimes, but then it felt much better, so much easier.
And again, I am so grateful to have my friends and also I can clearly say, I have a second home in Sweden and my second family there. It was such a pity that I got ill the moment I wanted to fly back to them last time I had planed.. but that's the way it is sometimes.. you gotta deal with it. 

I also was thinking much about my future... not in a way how it exactly should be and not what will I have in five years.. it was more like, what if... I mean... I always wanted children and many people around me got one or will be parents next year.... It is so exited to see them, to listen to them.. and I am on an age where you sometimes think about the possibilities of not having children. I would not be the first and sure am not the only one... I surly can deal with this but as I can remember, I never wanted to be much older then 40 or 42 to become a father.. For the child and for me.. I never thought of being older then this... So not much time left....

Anyway this year was also a year I started traveling to other parts of the world again and it was amazing and I know where to travel next year... although I never though I will do it alone... that was never planed but maybe it will be that way, but I decided not to wait longer. So next year I am gonna be in Stockholm for pride and... to Bali... well on the way I will surely visit a friend in Asia... too. Also I plan a trip to London and Cardif.  

Another big thing this year is and was to make a Show again, after four years of a break I finally am back on stage. It's just a big dream.... Don't know if I would go on with that after this year but I still have another big project on the run, to sell my book, which I had no time this year to fix it... Well you'll never know what it's good for. I truly believe that every thing comes in the right way.... 
I also had such an enjoyment to see my flowers grow and have kind of a little garden next to my flat. 
Also my second grandmother died, but we had real nice funeral. Yes this year was also a year where people died... Some more beloved, some less but they had to go at last. In my world their are people dealing also with cancer, HIV and other diseases. It's not easy, but some made it through, other still have to deal with it and I know partly how it feels.... 
But therefore I am more then ever grateful for my life because I really love it. No matter how hard it seems to get sometimes, it is always worth living. I hope you can have the same feeling too. Yes, when I make my show and when you ask me about my numbers... mostly they really have something to do with me... I tell about love who went made, when you where young and naive and trusted blind in everyone. Or I am talking about to remember all the ways people have though me or how they pushed me... It really is something from my own live ... And that's why I hope people will like my show and also spend some money at the end for a project I think needs some help... It's by the way a project who helps victims of violence, of crime against homosexual, transgender or because they seem to fit in this kind of category. 

Otherwise, this year was everything you could imagine.... I saw love, hate, fear, passion, trust, lies, stupid things, funny things and have learned a lot, not only in the way of living, also with computers, writing and I also am happy, I still can drive a car and tank it... You know... I did not drove since two years... for me it's a long time and I was never a passion driver.  :-)
I also learned again, that doing spiritual work needs trust and time and comes when it comes ... much the same with sport... I started swimming this year again after 20 years not even swim a bit... It turns out to be the best thing I could do and I will continue with this next year... I also will move like many of my friends did this year. As much as I love my flat, it's just a "one" room.... I know some of you will say this is a first world problem.. and well you're right but then... I need to..:-)
But then again... I go my way, like everybody must and so I can only tell you you should follow your heart too... If it's going to a museum, or cinema, in the park or to a Guru like Amma... Do it! If not, you'll regret it.... mostly.... and... read books sometimes...;-)

So now I wish you all my friends and readers a very happy and calm and nice x-mas time and a happy new year when it comes.. also hope you take part in the fact to be aware that a new time has stared... Let's light up this world for a better, even know it will hurt sometimes in the beginning, cos letting lose of some habits can hurt more then you ever thought and forgive my friends that I did not always have had enough time for you... I will try to be better... and to remember all your birthdays... I must confess I was very bad this year with this.. If facebook would not show it..I maybe forgot the most, even my own....:-)
Let yourself be loved and loved in return... I really which you all the LOVE & LIGHT

When is the fun getting to far?

Yes again, it took a while to write again.. I was ill and had a lot to do, as you have surely read about earlier. This time I wanna write about something which takes it's rounds around facebook and co.
You know, people like to share clips from youtube, the funny stuff, the crazy stuff, the hero stuff and so on. Sometimes I do wonder why people react so heavenly on these youtube things... I mean they keep posting and posting the same stuff on and on and again... not sure if people realize that sometimes what they post is disgusting and should better not be shown... but they seem to enjoy it or make some bad jokes about it... Sometimes I wonder where the empathy went... Did we lost it...? 
Last viral video is about a little girl in an elevator coming out when it suddenly gets dark inside.... The people in the elevator are almost scared of the fact that the light is going out and then when the light is on again and there is this creepy girl... It scared the heart out of everyone and not that this was enough, they had to do it twice the same game... I think... here is en example where we should have said stop, because this is no fun at all and I am sure if this happened to me, I would have taken a advokat... 

I mean this joke was not like lets prank someone or make a little fun, lets make them jump a sec and tell them it was all fun...no this was much more and worse and so many people wrote on youtube that they had so much fun seeing people nearly die of fear... What is it with us? Why do they not say stop!?
To play with the fear of people is never fun and I may say that it is o.k. to make a little easy fun with this might be o.k. but that example drove it much to far... Here was a real risk of a heart attack and a nervous break down..the people cried, screamed and had to screamed again, they lost their strength and faith and I am pretty sure most of them will now fear the elevator. But no apologies... We can be happy that no one killed itself, like the nurse in England who was a victim of a prank from a radio show.. after her mistake, all the press of the country where making jokes about her and laughed and that was too much for her... 
So here we are again and asking where has the empathy for each other gone?
Who is starting telling to the others --Hey don't you see what you do? Don't you realize that you should remember respect... Do you really think this is fun when this happens to you..?
Will you do? Will you be one of them who opens the mouth, the mind the heart....?
Because in what future will this lead us, if we let these things go on and happen..?
Will we start laughing in the future when we see them die, just because it's on tv or youtube?
What you gonna do?

I hope you will go for the love and light way.... I wish we would do this more often.... and remember respect, empathy, human dignity....

Well..hope is the last thing to give up... that's why I send you all my

LOVE & LIGHT

Seducded

Brainwashing...is going on in schools... how can this be..? Was this always be like that.. ? 

Well, more or lesson it was... Schools are the place where you are thought that children will learn everything they need for live after school, but as we know - mostly after school we did not learned what we needed, well as long when it's about learning to make a difference and to learn how to find the right answers...
Isn't it so? Their was always kind of ideology in school books.. So we learned how politic and the industry wants us to think and be.. fooled and stupid and easy on believing what they say is true... 
Well, there where always teachers at school who though us to use our own mind and ask different question, who told us to look from different angles. But as reality goes, Lobby politic has become a very big part of the school system too.. means the teachers get's the book free and also the news... 
That means,  they get a practical template of Scientific Results...of course only those results which are good for the Lobby Company... So this seemingly attractive offer leads to the point that it seems you have all you need but that is not true.. to show a balanced picture you need also the results and interpretations of others... So if the teacher sees this, you will get those results as a student in school and university... University.. wait! Do we have a problem there too? Yes, more then you believe is the lobby workin' here more then you could imagine do they try to put a picture in your mind which should keep you quite. Well, we have a lot of freedom of learning and thinking but if you not try to watch out self you will never come far to come to the truth of things... Cos if we are lucky we are able to approach to things..like 20 or 30% of all that is to get to know about.... But schools and Universities make you believe you know already enough or the most of it..Isn't that so?
But back to school and with a clearer sight on it we must admit that it's sad that our children, who think in every possibly way gets cut and cut and cut till they think the same as the teacher, no matter if this is right or wrong.. to have an own opinion is not welcome... No matter if you feel the same for a picture you see in painting class or if you read a book in literature... the opinion is always the one of the teacher.. what a poor system we have and so sad that so many teachers don't really care about the future of the world... Cos if they would, they could deal with different angles and meanings and opinions..and options... and would teach it how to learn to make your own way... and not get fooled of lobbyism..
So, the parents have to teach they children to be like that.. if they know and are aware of this.. But what if they never learned it... Sometimes I have the feeling of that... that many don't even know there is a possibility of using your own mind....  BUT ARE YOU? 

LOVE & LIGHT

Romeos

How times flies.... fly fly fly away...
Well, you know it like I do, the workin' live makes you sometimes feeling like, well - let's do noting at all after work, just lay down and watch a DVD.... like Romeos.. a german film I took because the critics where good and yes... this movie is well made, never boring, has a good story and the actors play good and what is it about? 
Köln a town in Germany two guys meet and fell in love..two guys? Well one is still a woman but also a man... he is going to change his sex.... One boy is coming from a village, new in town and wants to live  it out loud and proud... So he has trouble if someone seems to bee too gay or not the way people use to be, like the other guy he gets to know.... 
The movie shows in that way, a live of young people, how they ry to make it work in their live, then it shows, how to love and then how to love, if you're different or the part you fallin' in love with, but then the movie also shows very good how transexual people try to deal, how they act sometimes... how they speak, see the world and what problems they have... how they try to be the person they want to be and so the movie also shows the friends, the way they live and deal with it and this is... made very well... It's not cliche we see, it's reality... how it use to be.. very often... And so it makes you think about what love means.... what are you able to give or let lose... What if you fall in love who was a man and is now a women or was a woman and is now a man... what if you just fall in love...? How do you think you would react? Is love stronger then the pictures we have in mind..?

LOVE & LIGHT

Meeting Amma...

Amma was in Berlin... not long ago for three days... Amma was hug Berlin... like they said... 
Who is Amma? She is an Guru from India, very well known there... She is doing now a European tour to tell about her work, to pray and chant with you and make people come together for makin' this world a better place and she hugs... everyone who wants to get hug... 

Her work is big... mostly she spends money, time and work in India, but also all around the world... She has many projects and these projects are very different... you know, she opens schools, gives cloths for people, let build houses for poor, do things for a healthy lifestile and helps to keep bringing people together for eliminating environmental problems. She also try to help to keep people in a culture exchange.. for makin' a better understanding of us or the other side...
She also helps project on your place to get a public presence... 

Of course she is not doing all the work alone... She has a lot of helpers... they work mostly for free... She also has never to think about wealthy problems like we have to do in our every day live... 
This would be to much, if she would also do the rest... fortunately she has big luck with her helpers, cos she has to trust them in every way... You know, some Gurus had to get away, cos someone tried to steal the money for them self people had donated... 
Amma self started as a child to just simply hug people and help... 
If you want to know more about her way look at www.amma.de or try to google under her name...

It is interesting how different people react when they meet her... and more if she is visiting us... How do people react here in Europe... and how in Germany?
I was the second night there... It started with her coming in and touching the first hands of -I call them fans-....cos they went high when she touched them... and then she did the first ceremony of the night... 
After arriving on stage they started talkin' about her work, going on with talking about how we can change, how we can make things better, why we are afraid and how we act because of this, how we can enlighten us more and more and help each other to live more in love and peace... the we did the chanting, the prayers and a meditation. 

I must say, I heard from a friend, she was good and it was so great.. seems the first day the mix of people was more heterogeneous... Cos at my night all kind of people where there... Old, young, poor, kids, rich, not so rich, hindu, christian and atheists... That was a sign or better this was what makes the night....
I did not really expect something special...
I was more like, let's see, how it will be, how I feel... 
Well, I think, this mix we had made it hard to get this picture you know from films or documentation, where all are high and celebrating, waving and smiling, crying and seem to feel the same.... It was very much like, we had a bit of every reaction and it was like two people in extase there and then three women getting bored and then the kids sleeping or another one was playing, a guy was not at all chanting and seemed not to get touched of it but he was obviously a serious hindu... The chanting went from that Amma did all the work and then some people where connecting to her, so it became more a common thing, but then it was again, only her doing all the action and the musician... We could read a translation of the prayers and chants we did... Some of them I liked, but some of them I really did not think I will ever tell a word or repeat... simple because I do not believe in the things they say... 
The finish of all this was with a meditation which was right for the most.
For me it was the wrongest thing at that point.. The guy who lead us started it and then he said some words and I was like, o.k. I'm out... Yes some words he chose made me feel like..no no no...
Actually for me most of the time I was more like someone who was watching and seeing many little things ---but for me and it seems we had a lot of Berlin people... it was, no..it is.. well, most of us in Berlin are not so impressed of popular people around us... 
That's why a lot of the celeb likes to be in our town, cos we simple mostly just don't care about them... 
So, so many of the visitors where that night like this... "yeah, she did greet work, but yeah she is just human.. will her hug be so special????"
Will it be? That was a question, cos I know from people who never believed a thing about all the circus were touched at the end... They had the feeling of needing to cry and yes when it is about the hug... many people did react with a cry, a smile or just could not believe it, but also so many were like.. "well, that was it.. mmh, not much.. to be true..  I felt nothing special..."

It is actually a big thing to be able to hug everyone in the world.... but the real greatness is, when you are also able to be hugged by a stranger.. cos this means you let someone go inside your security zone...
Amma can't effort this and I think it's more because of the question of time... She gonna hug a thousand a day or even much more.. you have to wait for a twenty second hug or so... I was like: "Well, I gotta try to hug her, give her something.. just because I do... "

And I did... but am sure she also did not realized it... 
To be correct.. she is trying her best and telling in every language that she gives you her love... even if it's just for a second... 
This second did for some people make a difference... 
I just saw the welding spot on her clothing who came from all the people before me and then I did what I wanted and heard her telling something cos I could not understand it because of my hearing aids... they made what they use to in such situation.. making a noise.... music... they pipe.. 
The words Amma said -I have been told of a young women I got to know there on the event... in the Velodrom in Berlin.

At least all in a hurry it went, but also it was a long waiting time... interesting to see all those people coming together and watch it like a journalist all this happen... 
I would not say this was bad... it is just me and my view... so all I can say is... If you wanna know how it is for you... Go to her, met her, make your own experience and see if it will help you or not or if this is just something you pass but you can also say then.. I tried it.... I now know.... whatever this will be for you... just go...

the toilets were also beloved..:-)

Just now she is in Paris in the Hall Saint Martin
Then she will be in London, Houten (Utrecht), Toulon, Barcelona, again in Germany and Milano, Dublin and so on.... see under www.amma.org.uk or so on..

LOVE & LIGHT

The final Days... 11./ 12. and Journey back home

Time to sleep before the day and it's adventures starts... a new guide in town and the last chance to get some sun... it's warm, it's nice and the last time I drink a cup of coca tea. In the morning a demonstration in front of our hotel, which went on to the harbor and there we meet them again.. they want more money for the work they do.... some of them just earn 3 Dollars a day, some who are more lucky get 3 Dollars the hour, but most of them don't know if they will have a job in three days... and no help from the government... Poor people... sad to not know where to get the money you need to buy the food you need.... We see them and passed them to take a ship- one of many little who are waiting in the harbor... we climb over several boats to reach our, which can take 25 till 30 people but this time it's just us and the guide.... taking out to the Uros- Indios... which where once flee from the Incas and landed on the water of the Titicaca lake hidden in the Totora reed. So they build a little town of reed islands.. each island has a family living on it... The once we saw are the 2000 people big community of the Uros... the rest of the 18000 Uro community are living far far away on the big big Titicaca lake... not so easy to reach for the rest... living from fishing and hand made things... Our community gets 2 Dollar from each tourist visiting them and that money is for the school and hospital... 
The reed will be used for everything, like building the island, the house, the bed, will be eaten and the bark is used when you have a headache...

not much of a big fish, but that's what they will have to eat...

an example what the island looks like and how it is made

yes, we tried the reed boat too

that's how the island looks alike

view from the water to Puno

Then we drove to peasantry and watched their houses and live stile... poor but how different the living of them are... the Uros are also very poor... but total different...
For example the food of booth is very simple, like rise and fish or potatoes and fish.. like every day... next to all family members sleep in one bed... 

the Viagra of the poor man.. a snake in alcohol...

stone walls.. how do they keep standing...I don't know...

At least we took a tour in the afternoon to the half island - on the shore of the Lago Umayo, which is part of the Titicaca lake, to the Sillustani with the antique funeral towers called Chullpas from the time before the Incas... There we saw also sun and moon temples- well kind of.. you just saw something on the ground... 

of course the biggest one for the king

nice view and just little water..used to be full of it...

that's what it looks like when you watch on a sun temple too many years after they where in use

the white tower for the dead queen

the sign of animal was maybe the name...

isn't that beautiful?

they were little people once, weren't they? That's the entrance to your place, when you died...  well, for your dead body... although they put you inside that tower... not sure if one of us could do...

that's what they looked inside and around...

Gotcha?!  Inside shell and outside skin..

a snake.. a family name?

After that we went to a restaurant, had a marvelous meal and watched the celebration of the change of time.. from winter to summer and saw all those traditional dances, which at least last a long time... so many dances... :-)
Back in the hotel, late afternoon it was time to say goodbye... to three of the members, who will have had longer time in Peru then me and an other guy... So we could get another morning to sleep longer, but the rest had to get up early..again...to get to La Paz... Me...I'm happy to go back to Lima... which I learned to appreciate. 

So the 12. Day was just waiting to get picked up to drive to the airport, which was late in the afternoon.. means, we went through town and streets, eat a bit and read a bit, watched people and had some sun on our the face. 

Puno

they try to keep the children away from drugs... "sin Drogas"

every time I went to the hotel I was wondering where the dog is, which I heard bark..

The when it was already dark we drove back to Juliaca, which was interesting in that way, that we met a big crash and a dog, suddenly lying in front of us on the streets and because there was no traffic light and no lamps next to the streets we nearly had two crashes by ourself and where happy to use our seat belts... driving in Peru can be an adventure self... but the we drove through parts of Juliaca which where quite nice and with streets you can really drive on and it was full of people and tuk tuks and felt bit like being in India, although I never was there and just can imagine it would be like that... small streets, traffic, smog, bikes... noises... 
The airport little as always and we already had checked in via Internet, but that was needed.. you cannot check in at the airport, just come and leave your baggage... and wait till you fly.... 
In Lima...I had next to more then a half day to walk around and so I meet a dear friend I got to know from the way to Machu Picchu and we had a nice day, talkin' and so on...

Back in Lima... Girasoles Hotel..inside at the morning..

on the way to the airport

At the airport, as always everything to eat and drink is much too expensive... I watched out if there is maybe something to by for family... not much to be true... 

...so just waiting again and then it was a next to 12 hours flight back to Madrid... 

and change there to Berlin... 

The only thing I don't get is, why Iberia will that you pay for drinks and food on the flight from Madrid to Berlin... it's not a "cheap" airline like air berlin or so...
Being home was.... nice and unreal... the sky dark already and the first time I did not had to wait for my baggage... do you remember what I wrote in the beginning?.. yes it was always like that.. waiting for your baggage... 
Rainy Berlin was greeting me and everything was like I knew it...
Home I went to my plants to see, which did survive and found strawberries, which tasted sweet... lucky me....

Oh and before I forget it... here are the leaves I collected from the ground of the Amazona rain forrest...

LOVE & LIGHT