CSD and It get's better

Now the Christopher Street Day is done in Berlin, well actually we have two. Yes we have two demonstrations- one is the classical and so called "popular" CSD and the other is called the "Transgenialer" CSD. At least both fight for the rights and acceptance for gay, lesbian and transgender people, fighting for same rights for everyone and tolerance. Well above all the problems we have over the years with the discussion of the need of two and the need of a parade, I think, still- both are important to do... the goal is more or lesson the same.. at the end. And yes fun is a part of it, because celebration of live is part of living a true live. But this year, above a new rout for each CSD I saw and heard people talkin' and it seems that the old generation is ready to give the fight to the younger one, but what I saw was that maybe the older ones have to stay and fight again and again while teaching the young why and how and showing the support they need, but don't even realize they do need. The most of them where just do a party trip and forgot or never knew the reason why we have the CSD and why it is still so important to show our voice so loud and out on the streets. 
Yes my ideal would be, that we live in a world where no one cares. So everyone would just love. 
Cose Love Is Equal for everyone.. and healthy as long you do love with your heart and soul... with respect and patience. 
So maybe after all I think.. maybe I'll be part of the "It's getting better" Project to make sure that young people know and are less afraid of living the way they are. I will also try to make a vid for youtube in german I guess...
I am now in my 30s and knew since I was 9 or 10 that I was gay. I never could imagine me and a woman or a girl. I liked them and had my first and very wet kiss with a girl from the village of my grandmother. About that time, I never saw or heard about gays, what it did mean but there was a magazine in which I was reading about gays and lesbians and the law situation and also how people used to think about these kind of people. The good thing was, after reading this, I knew it was o.k. to be gay but had to be carefully to what I do and say when I was gay. 
Well, my mother saw me reading this and told me not to get gay because I was thinking sad of them... I just thought, well I am gay, but answered surely I will never be it because I would think how sad.. and will be gay to show my support.. actually my answer was shorter..:-)
But from that time I knew for sure.
But I also knew it could be difficult. So I started to look what my family was doing, how they did react to couples holding hands or kissing, or when some gay man or lesbian woman was on TV or some Star was called queer. The reaction was so no common, that I did not knew before I told them how they would react. Then I saw a film called the "Torch Song Trilogy" where you have a scene the main part told to his new /old boyfriend when he was asking him to take him back:" Do you think you can simply move in when you're not thinking being gay is o.k. I just threw out my own mother just because she did not accept the way I am! Do you think I expact less from you?" That was the moment I knew- no matter what they say, I will survive. Then I decided to tell my parents when I am 18. Well it became a year earlier but I was ready. It just happened out of a situation, through a call I had with my mother. 
To make it short, I was a lucky kid that my parents reacted very good. They knew somehow. But my feelings before where bad, I felt unsure, I did not knew and it felt not right to have to say it. No heterosexual is outing, why do I have to do? Why does this feel bad. It's stupid. it really is.
Before this happened, I was also thinking about what is better, hiding or saying. The more impossible thing than hiding was not being happy. I wanted to have my own live and got it. All the power I would have lost, all the fear I would have to dealed with, all the lying, all the hiding... never knowing if your friends are really friends.. no, this would have sure made me unhappy. But so I got a lot of friends. Very dear people, with lovely hearts and souls. They help me to understand, to see how to live. Cos my first love was so short.. yeah we had two tryings but simply did not know how to do it right to make it a relationship. We had no one to look at, to learn from. You young people out there, or if you still not out and older.. you just need to look around and can find very long time companions, friends and ways of having a family. The choices you can make are so many and so you can really find a way to get happy at the end. When your out, you will find them all, cos suddenly it seems a full new world with all it's adventure good and bad is open. You see, that you can love them too, gay, heterosexual, queer, bisexual, transgender.. no matter... you'll love 'em. You find time to party, to talk, to save someone, to be saved, to hold someone in your arms and let you take care of a love... You have  lot's of power for life itself if you are free and out... so, yes it's getting better... !

LOVE & LIGHT