It's the end of the year and so... (part1)

Hej, 

what a year and I am still thinking how to put it all in a blog but after all thinking through I only can say... well, I put it in several pieces.

Starting with this one. 

Conchita Wurst who won the Eurovision was a peak this year in many ways. Not only a man as a women with a beard, but also as a talented singer with a song written in the stars. That women figure Conchita represent much more then just a drag queen singing a song. The song was -Rise like a Phonix- and it is a story we all should remember from time to time, that we can rise from ashes and dark times and that we can change ourself into what we are and want to be. A song about the power of respecting yourself sang by an artist who shows respect and love to his figure, to his fans and all the other people and most of all to himself. A man who knows his path and has understood a very important lesson. The lesson to make each game your own, if you want to be a free man.

Make your own game, go your own path and yes it is o.k. to meet others, to learn from others, to go with them together but at the end, you do all your decisions by your own. 

Actually we do every decisions by our own but are often unaware of them. So this is what this song also tells us to do your steps with an open mind and soul and being aware of yourself. 

This is surly what many voters felt and the fact that you can really be what you want as long as you take it seriously and honest. Above the fact that the show was like Hollywood and more then a simple act but simple the singer was in his way of representing his work. This is power in pure form. This was beauty in pure form. 

But the victory of Conchita was also a sign, that many people had their own mind as it shows in the results that the jury was much more conservative and backwards then people were. 

This surely was hope for many as we know very well that in many countries people like Conchita have no rights or less then everybody else, thought it never should be that way as we are all humans and deserve the same rights. 

To make Conchita iconic it needs more then just a great personality. It needs people who believe also in the future of such work and statement. And here luck was on the side of Conchita Wurst as she was loved from big names. Designers love her, other artist love her and even far away artist gave a lovely comment on her acting and singing. 

Not that big names are all, but they help to keep a positive energy around the artist Conchita and so she can go on working and telling what she has to tell.

The man behind Conchita knows very well what he is doing with giving a statement as Conchita and he also knows about the chance of this and the power he can achieve. 

But beauty and so becoming an icon needs also to have the luck to be on pictures who are timeless, like the ones from Julian Laidig. https://www.facebook.com/campact?fref=ts#!/julianlaidig.photography

He was and is one of those who made Conchita look strong, exquisite and beauty and helped in that way to send out the message Conchita wants to send out.

Iconic picture from a photo artist is what many dream of and as it is, he is also one of the people standing behind the project: enough-is-enough/ https://www.facebook.com/enough2014?fref=nf

A project which tries to lift the question of human rights for gays, lesbians, transgender and so on.

Those people try to be a voice in the name of equality and freedom.

They stand up and make it impossible to be ignored by haters and so many other people followed their call to come together, went on the streets and demonstrated or to getter around a flame of hope and ready to talk to people passing by on the streets about the situation of gays, lesbians, transexual, and many more. Asking questions like- When did you decide to be heterosexual- for no one does decide to be lesbian, gay or or or ... and sure no one would if this means a life of fighting and badder life situation. 

Those people like Julian took their time and went on for the right to love each other no matter what and so they had sleepless hours and worked so hard that other could feel, here we have someone who takes the situation for real. For as far to many are still talking but not acting. You know the saying- do the walk, undo the talk- or so it was...

Making our voices seen and our life worth living is what those people do with keeping up the good work. Though we have to learn more, much more like instead of fighting against, we should fight for something we want to put the focus of people of what we want because otherwise they see what we never needed and remember just this and the situation will stay the same. We also have to learn that standing up for the same right does never mean we have to love us with every single atom, but respect us and see us. Yes seeing each other as humans is a lesson we all have to remember and learn again, as we forgot. Seeing means to take us as we are with all our damage, with all our love, with all our mistakes, with all our different positions in life and that we are all worth the same. No one can say to know it all and therfore better as no one does. But many still act that way. Many still fight each other because of jelousy. Sadly only the haters win such games.

But also this year was a year were we got a big backlash in the rights for the LGBTI community but then also many success as the USA is nearly clear to open marriage in all states for each and everyone and of course some other countries did the same, thought some where kind of unexpected and the world still turns and the human kind still survives and the sun still shines and the life still goes on. 

The stupid believe of the gays fault is just this- a wrong believe as those GAYS are just humans.

So lucky that also more stars in sport, media and politic made it out and stand their ground.

But also we saw how many gays like to be blind and fight themself, hate themself and being facist with living gayness in shadow. Living a lie and that is such a sad thing that I only can pitty them, as they take away their own luck.
Because remember in the end of your life all that matters is: All you need is love!

LOVE & LIGHT

Better then chocolate - a movie

-Better then chocolate- is a comedy from the 90'tis and like the cover is showing you're guessing right, it is about two young girls. But also a mother who discover her child in new ways and herself and a brother who still has no borders and therefor is open to try new ways with a hot girl and also a man who is a women who is a friend. 

It's a comedy lead buy reality as it shows much of our live and what is going on but also the comic parts of it as mostly our life is funny if we look back at our drama days. Well, mostly. 

It is a little movie and you may say why seeing a lesbian movie? Why not is the answer as this movie also shows why not seeing it and enjoy. Some clichés may perish. For man and women. Of course as it is a comedy it is always a bit over the top but always with taste. The acting is sensual and earnest and the storyline fit in all aspect even thought some drama is maybe a bit over the top, but otherwise it matches all the way and you gotta laugh a lot. Though in the beginning of the Movie it takes time to get warm with it. But just a couple of minutes then the speed goes up in the storytelling. So, another DVD/ movie I can recommend without a doubt and be sure not only for lesbians! And after all, how could you not like that sweet couple! And the mother, well... you'll gonna love her in some way and the title of the movie is to discover on her or with her- who knows ;-).

Have a nice time watching the movie and as always I wish you all my...

LOVE & LIGHT

International day of Kiss

Seems it's long, long time ago I wrote something here in my blog, but you know me, I only write if I feel it's right. Actually I had not much time and too much going on in my mind and life to write something good, but while the most now will write about soccer I think it's quite a good change to write about the actual day of kiss. Of course the day is made up by a bunch of guys while they took a beer or two and no one really knows why they made it up and what it is about.
It's sure not political reason, although a kiss is more then just a kiss, while I think it should be. 
In fact there are countries where you not kiss in open places and just remember not long ago in movies a kiss was seldom or if there was one it never where shown right or face to face. A kiss was in fact something very offensive and had the meaning of being a sexual slut. And still in some countries a kiss is more then that. It stands for a life you choose to live and I don't mean your sexual orientation. An open kiss in countries where homosexual can be harmed is a choice you make. The choice to be yourself and show who you are. Or where women have next to no rights. So they show, that they are a human who has the same rights like each of us should have. 
Then a kiss is of course different in it's interpretations. It can be friendly, show love, show kindness, be a sign of protest, be a sign of seduction, be an affront or be a candy and so on. And then a kiss is for most women more then just too lips meeting each other, while for many man kissing a stranger is nothing special. For most men it is just a kiss to heat up, sometimes just to get an erection, some times to show domination, some times just part of a conversation. But society have been teaching women since a long time that a kiss stands for love. Only love. Kissing for fun is still therefore an exception. 
Oh yes, a kiss on the neck is different to a kiss on the forehead, and different to a kiss on the hand. We kiss much in our live. Mostly of different kinds of love. Family, friends and society- all there you can find a kiss on the way. Political kiss while the cold war or the high society kiss check to check, the friendly kiss to a grandmother and the good bye kiss to a child, before it goes to school. But the latter is quite also kind of a modern thing. To kiss your child as children were long seen as little adults and never have been touched that way by parents. Oh there are still sects who forbid the first contacts with a baby after birth and also the kiss on the head or the hand to say hello my newborn. 
But as we are on children- here we have also unwelcome kisses. Kisses grown people are giving to children without the permission of them, without asking them or even the parents when it is just a hello kiss. But you know what I mean. So many children have to stand out sexual harassment. (And even adults get kisses from people against their will.)It's a awful thing, getting parts of the body kissed where an adult never should put his lips on. No matter if it's a stranger, someone from the family or the parents
But Allah's not every kiss from a a parent to a child is sexual abuse. That strange fear must gone too. How can a loving mother not give a kiss to his little child. 

The "Kiss" is usually a positive word and that's why the advertising campaigns use the kiss, or the idea of a kiss or just the image of a kissing mouth like Kylie used it for her CD. But here we see that the kiss is also a sexual thing, although it's more an erotic and sensitive thing. But the kiss is just the next step from our time we fed each other. Like animals still do with their babies. So it's kind of complex. 

But now, let's take another look on "The Kiss".
Few can kiss real good from the start. It is a thing to learn and train. The kiss you give your love. 
Oh what I've been through! Some kiss like a machine. Always the same way, always the same rhythm. 
Like a clock. Some tried to bite me, although I think that was not the idea. Some could not even move their lips. Some kiss like you have an illness and call it passion. Some opened their mouth and I was afraid to fall in. A kiss is lips to lips not a big gab, a big hole to a head. I don't want to dive into your stomach. If I wanted, I had better things to dive in. 
Saliva. Yes it's natural to have some in your mouth but be kind and don't forget to swallow it. If I want to take a bath, I take the tub. 
A tongue. Is an organ you can use, but use it gently not like a drilling machine or a hammer. And please don't start with the tongue play and please don't try to lick my face before I am getting warm in my passion for you. 
Sometimes I only get the big, big tongue and wonder how this is a kiss. Where have those people learn this? Porn? 
And yes sometimes -I confess- my kisses are called Jackhammer kisses, because my passion presses me into you. I've learned to let this go... more or lesson. But surly I don't start with a cold start kiss... 
What more? It's always good to have a fresh breath, but better brush your teeth not the minute before you'll kiss or take a bubble gum just before it, If I wanted a fresh bomb in my mouth, I do it by myself. Thanks. But I do wonder, in some movies you see the actors brushing their teeth and then the partner or lover comes into the bathroom and start kissing. I mean their not even finished and spat the toothpaste. I always think -those poor actors. Must be more disgusting then making a sex scene. But do people actually do this? 

But at least... I mean , when it is about kissing, start gently, just lips to lips and then go on. Smell each other and see each other, kiss other parts of the face, play and gently start taking the tongue, then go back to just kiss, but with a little pressing and feeling and passion and so on.... Take your time and try. Try different positions, different times of the day. Wake you man in the morning with a surprise kiss, softly, gently, but full of love and passion. Sometimes a puff of a kiss is more then all the big screen kisses you know. 
Isn't it crazy how much you can write about a kiss. Just a kiss. A thing which can give love, make people jealous, can keep peace of two countries or get you killed by the mob, can save your life and also change it. 
So can mankind survive without a kiss?
Think about it. 

Love & Light

Equality

When I think about equality, you may say that we have come far. 
But how far have we actually come?
To be true - not that far we should have reached. 
Thought we talk and write about this not just since a couple of years. We do this already quite a very long time. 
I mean let's take a closer look at it and start with, let's say Shakespeare. 
Mostly nowadays we can say we don't call our man next door our enemy. Mostly?
There may be some places where you can be sure, each and everyone is accepting one another. But there is no country in the world where we can't find someone who will takes his neighbor and call him a devil. And still we kill each other for we are not the same clan and still people fall in love with another and take a risk of getting killed or if they are lucky being just an outcast. 
So not so far with equality with our neighbors and people in town. 

Next try.... Marriage. Absolutely the same problem. We still have arranged marriage. We still have women who are not allowed to talk about who they are able to marry. We still make a difference of each other marriages. Still we say those are better then this and their have a less worth marriage. Still not everyone is allowed to marry. Still in many countries women lose practically with a marriage all her rights. Still in all countries most man and women are not having the same rights as marriage partners. It's still the man who says what is allowed and what all have to do. Still we make the thought a living that women have to stay home. 
Although in many countries partners have become more equal and both part of a marriage do the household, take the children and care for grandparents. Yes in some countries women can take the clothes they want. Women can have their own opinion. That's good. We are all the same stupid or smart. We are all capable of cherish a child and work for money. But it's a long way for equality. And longer if we think about getting divorced. There is more then less equality in how we treat people after a marriage, how we deal with a separation. No matter what country you're living. 

Another one....? Work: The salary is still a big difference in most jobs between man and women. Women get much less payed for same work. And the politic is not willing to let this change. Not because the common people don't want to. It's the industry who likes this cheap workers. So no equality at all, no matter how much we try to bring it up. A real change is only to get when women start to fight again for the right to get payed the same. As long most of them accept this situation, the industry and politic will keep it the way it is. There is actually no valid reason to stay on this point. The world and the economy will stay alive if women get payed the same.

Well, then man and women are not equal, and so women are still called the weak leak and so the disabled although they can do so much for us, even the homosexual are calling weak, wish is just too stupid, but then we also call people with other skin color weak, not worth the same- still it's a pain in the ass and so, so unbelievable that we keep on telling this to our children. 
The blindness of color should be already clear for all but still some think it's better to be religion blind and political blind and stupid blind to call other people less worth. 
The interesting fact is that the more mixed it is on a place the fewer people think so. 
But it is not only black against white. Which itself is so stupid, because no one is black and no one is white. We are all colored people or have you ever met a man who was really white? No and you will never. So the skin color is just a mix of different lighter or darker parts. 
But then again... it's not only "white" people who say black are less worth. Even dark colored people think so. They want lighter skin, lighter hair color. Even the stars want to be blond instead of taking their own hair color because it can bring more success and would get them more accept on the "white" side. Oh dear! But it's the same with gays who act more conservative and want to assimilate into the heterosexual way or a transwomen who don't accept that a women can have masculine parts. It's an disabled who tells himself he is worth less and so all the others disabled too and so he has not the same rights and must fight for each part of what? 

Can it be in this fight for equality that we are often the enemy ourself... the biggest enemy with our own thoughts? How women treat other women is often more against equality and having a free life an man would do. How once being religion and a believer is more worth then the guy from the church in the next village. How some jews think that in Israel should only live jewish people cos the rest is less worth and not clean- for example. 

Equality is still something we have to achieve. Because we are all worth the same. We are different yes, but the same worth. It starts in our mind. In the way we teach children, in the way we treat each other. In the way we look at each other and at ourself. There is no- but.... you're not less worth because of your education, although people tell you so. 

Let's start thinking about it without being blind because of fear, blind of politic or religion.

Love & Light

Sotchi

Say something, I'm giving up on you.... 
Well, I may be tired, but giving up is never a choice on my way through this live.
And today I try to bring up some thoughts for the finishing of the Olympic games. 
One is a line I read: Only the thinking person changes their mind. 
And another one I remember is that only the brave will change the world. Although you don't need to be brave like in a movie or a fairy tale, but thinking, seeing and trying to get as near to the truth is important when you want to stop being blind by choice.
So Sotchi. 
Is over now and if you where not to blind you saw a big shadow over the games.
Many shadows actually. Some have not the reason in Sotchi, like the "war" in Ukraine. But others are to find on other places too. Like how you treat human kind and human dignity by being blind.
Yes the competition where as usual, fine, and great and also we had our drugs addicts. 
The show was going on as usual but then not as usual. Things have changed. 
You cannot be proud about wasted money to corruption. You can not be happy about people not getting their salary for the hard work they did. You cannot shine when you are not ready with the most buildings. And absolutely you cannot be happy by taking the sports man and women into a dirty game of politic. 
The IOC has sold the best they have to nothing. 
Cos what is the victory worth they got? 
Like nothing.
Because you cannot show love, cannot show empathy, cannot show life as it is- colorful and different. Because we are all different, we are all human, and in this special matter we are the only animal who knows homophobia, transphobia and so on. 
In next to every race you find homosexual habits and this never harm anyone. 
No other animal is killing his brother, sister or whatever just because he loves the same sex. 
No other animal then the human race beats each other for just the reason you think different, love different. 
No other animal then the human race claims the happiness is in danger because of homosexual feelings. 
The human race is the only stupid one. 
In that case... ( and some others..)
This is or could be a scary thought, couldn't be?
But how can you say something is unnatural, when it is exactly that... NATURAL.. or as we say it these days: When did you chose to be heterosexual? Cos if being gay is a choice, so is being heterosexual.

So to know a truth is easy. To tell truth is much more. But to understand and live the truth a challenge and to take the truth is the hardest way. 
Yes I know that first you'll be ignored, then laughed out and then be tried to fight back, before you can just live. 
That's what gays and lesbians, trans and intersexual people want. 
Just live a life without fear, danger and with the same right to kiss, hold hands, talk about it and so on. 

Forget telling me the lines from the bible, we all know them but also all the other lines and maybe you know what them means... and by the way, if you show me them, do you live by them yourself... bet not. Anyway.
Forget telling me about traditional marriage, because if you did your homework, you knew that there is no such thing. 

So this Sotchi is a start to think about, first- where to let the games start, second- how big and important human dignity should be, and then where has the love gone?!
Because if this is all about money- and just now it is, then it should be dead.
Blinding people by sport is nothing new, but telling them hate is the new truth is simple a waste of money and so we give out a waking call into the world, cos it seems sometimes, that the worst situation collects the most people in front of the TV. How can you watch games painted in blood? 
You are less weak then you are lazy and being stupid by choice.
So...
Love is the reason we came together in Berlin to show respect, strength and power and to talk to people, to show them, to make them see. 
Love is the reason why people tell us how they secretly live together for 40 years. 
Love is the reason why we hear stories from russian tourist about sexual abuse and how this is used to take you into prison, letting you get raped and then throwing you out being an outcast. 
Love is the reason why we show the videos from russian Nazis how they harm young people just because they may be gay. 
Love is the reason why we talk about places in the world where you get killed because hate lead people to the conclusion you're not worth a damn and therefore you should be killed. 
Love is the reason why we can tell that all this may be in the name of religious but never in the name of Jesus, God or Love itself. 

I can understand, if you don't understand the way of life of another people but this should never be a reason to beat, harm, kill, abuse and forbid others to talk about. 
So...
Love is the reason why we try our best to show to those who are in fear, in situation with darker shadows then we have in our own country, that we don't look away, that we still are on to trust into, relate too and we are still in a fight for a positive, loving future, all around the world.
The drum beats will never end before love is acceptable for all.

Peace is what we all want- well most of us, if you are less selfish as some... 
Love is all we need and want and can get and even give, but only when we let lose of hate, of being blind by choice, of being stupid by looking away.

So.... giving hope is a choice we made and will make again and again.. spreading Love, the fire of colors, the chance of happiness in each and everyones live...!

Somewhere over the rainbow and beyond and behind there is not only a blue sky, there are birds which fly, so why shouldn't we? 

LOVE & LIGHT


--> and here are the pics of our last come together at the rainbow flame... yes we stood there day and night 24 /7 - all the 16 days of Sotchi, all the 15 nights...  more people then expected came and here we can shine a light, hope and send you all around the world a thought of a helping hand.... and we talked, showed and protected, no matter if it did rain, shine, or stormy wind blowed around our nose... thanks to everyone who stood up, helped making this happen... thanks to all the hearts and souls... thanks to all the love and light... thanks... enough is enough, stop homophobia and Love is not for propaganda.. Love is for free and the open minded.... stop being blind, stop looking away... breath and talk... say something good, say something loving.. 

the first have arrived...

somewhere over the rainbow...

 the skye is blue

where happy little birds fly

So fly with us... fly , fly high... fly with love and into the light... let the shadows pass by.... :-)

Make Love and lose the hate

That is maybe the most important thing in live. 
To love and let the hate go. 
Hate is just a sign of how week you are, how less you use your mind and soul and heart, how less you are, how deep you sit in shit. 
Yes some people think hate is such a powerful and strong instrument to keep up with, cos it brings fear and joy to you, the one who is beaten up another one and it gave you the feeling of being more worth, being stronger and better, but guess what..?!... and you know it deep inside you-  YOU ARE WEAK. 
A strong person never need to beat up someone, never need to bring fear, never need to arrest someone who just love another human, never need to claim wrong things as reasons for his actions.
If you are strong and true, then corruption is something you never need. 
If you live by your heart and not blinded by some folks, then you never need to kill an animal without need.
If you are smart, you never need to keep a child from having parents, no matter where they come from, as long as they love and care for you.
If you are taking words serious that we are equal, then you never need to push a women down, or a child or a disabled or someone with another religious believe or skin color.
If you are someone who claims to live the words of Jesus Christ, then you never need to beat a man or a women because they love who they love, cos love the man next to you, like you love yourself. 
Love is Love and if you put hate in in, then you are the one I think we have to call pity and sad and stupid.
Although in each of us there is love put in the heart from the beginning and hate is a learned thing.
To hate is learned. No child hates. It learns how to hate. It learns fear and fear makes hate. Fear makes blind and blind people have mostly closed eyes and forget to learn and think by them self and listen to their heart. 
It's much like this. 
Cos love will never destroy your marriage, the mankind or your children. 
Cos a gay man will never abuse your child and is worth his life and love.
So why beaten him up, just because he loves. 
He is born that way, and if you are heterosexual you are born that way too or did you made that choice? When, how and did you try the other side? 
It's natural, it always was part of this world, no matter if your human or an animal.
Why are you so afraid of sexuality...? Is it to keep an blind eye on your own situation, which is bad and your own fault.
Yes, I am so sorry, but you are the reason for the bad situation in your country as a human and it has nothing to do with your sex, with who you love and where you're from.

Dear Russians I respect people in general, but nevertheless I am very sad about some laws you have, sad about how you waste money to corruption, how you let human rights killed by your man and am so sad to see and hear how you go on beaten yourself, hurting yourself instead of making it stop, breath and think calm what to to, how to make it better, how to make it more shiny and brighter. 
Instead you kill, you beat, you hate and even you as a reader are not doing it exactly - did you tell something to your people to make it better? Did you say stop? Or did you just say it is all not that bad and the gays fault and other countries should not talk about your problems?
Well the LGBTI Community knows it very well what is going on and feels very well in their own heart what is going on in Russia, because we all have been going through this. That's why we keep up on the fight.

Yes it is not only in Russia people are becoming Nazis again. 
I remember very well the rising in other countries. But also I do remember how you started right after '89 to throw out the WolgaDeutschen, then the Jews and then the black and so on and now you have found the gays. They seem so weak, so easy to be beaten, the reason for your problems but you know it very well, there are not. 
Keeping a blind eye on your countries problems by killing gays won't help you to not drown in your own shit. 

And God will never love you for this, cos remember hate is the devils part. 

So that's why we go on the streets and light a rainbow flame. Cos we are all of different colors and the Olympic was in it's idea about peace, friendship and love. 
You betrayed the Idea, the love, the friendship, the sportsman, the children and your own future. 
Your Olympic is a sign of black shame. 
So shame on you. Shame on the IOC. Shame on Putin. Shame on all those who are in silence, because you let it happen and therefore you are part of this black and dirty game. So sorry to tell you this. 
And I know not everyone thinks the same in Russia. 
I know the industry doesn't care about people. 
I know the politics mostly even don't care about human rights.

But I know that I still keep on believing. 
I still keep on believing that the future can be made better. 
I believe that people can learn and be true to them self.
I believe we have a lot good in our baggage but also we have a way to go.
I believe that human rights should be the same for all people on this world, no matter where you are.
I believe that hate will kill yourself and cause hurting to all the people around you and you will pay a high price for it.
I believe and know it from my work, that when you are going to die, the hate will keep you maybe alive but for the price of pure pain and you will regret it so deeply if you never lived up to making peace.
I believe that you have to forgive yourself for the hate you lived but as hard this is, it is possible, but for this, you have to SEE and CHANGE into living a life in Love.

And I believe in Love.

LOVE & LIGHT

we are with our hearts by your side.... no one should be harmed just because he loves someone else

there is also a song called "Love is not for propaganda" on i tune to buy and every cent will be given to the LGBTI groups in Russia to fight for their rights to love

the rainbow flame will be there all the time the games are going on.. we will be there too, talk to you, so you can ask your questions, we will be there to protect human rights, the flame, the love and the hope

even Jane Fonda is watching and will take care of the flame on Potsdamer Platz in Berlin

2013- what a year

Now that this year is almost over, it's time to take a look at it and what can we see?
What a year -is in my own eyes the best to describe all this all in all.
Where to start with this crazy year? 
It was fast but not faster as last one and it feels like time has come to a rhythm you can start to follow again.
It was a year with a lot of questions to ask and answer. 
A year with a lot of beginnings and endings, changes and things who became stronger and things which left.
What a year, just think about the politic. The revolution is going on. People have start fighting and other kept it going on. Human rights was a big item and it will be sure the next year too. The talk of equal right, equal chance of living a life has come to mind again and hopefully will get stronger and clearer next year, cos still too many people sleep and are blind. 
Oh lots of votes where given but mostly the conservative side won and some laws who came have gone. In some countries people and politic have started to fight crime in other the crime and big lies came back. 
That we got to get two step forward and one back is not that much surprising, although it makes me feel sad, it is kind of natural. Things which have been fostered so long wont let you go so easy. It's also the fear who comes back, while you are still weak. But those step backwards remind us that the fight is not over, that we still have to grow stronger and what makes me happy in this is, that more and more people keep focusing on what they want instead of what they don't.  
Stop complaining is the best way to take away the energy from those who will want to keep you weak. May it be the gay rights, women rights, rights of children, rights of refugees or the right of animals and so on. 
If we want equality, then we must learn to focus on what we want and how. 
But other things in politic became obviously not what you had expected. My own Bundeskanzler(in) is not doing god for my country and even the selection and the game after is a joke. Or if I think about Obama, the man so many had last they hope on. He is doing a lot of politics outside the USA, but did not come far in his own country. Not all his fault but sadly but true what most had hope from outside the USA was among other things that he will keep an eye on the human rights, but it did not... not only the spying is a big shame, the prison -you know all which one I am talking about- are still in existence. It is easy to be part of the fight for the gay rights, but he has not much to do there. But more many had hoped is to bring his own country into a new future, the future that the USA may have still some of the richest families but is no longer an important country in politics and economy. The USA have been number one about 200 years, but now it's over since a long time. Actually he is not the only one leader of a country to fail to bring the people into a new future, away from the conservative and backward way. South America is now more or lesson an own area, who no longer needs our approval for it's existence. Russia is aggressive but more because it's future is dark. The emirates know very well that they have not all the time in the world and so they are very busy making money and success. Asia itself becomes stronger again and is by far further then Europe. Only Africa has still not found it's way back, but Asia and south America are producing there, while America and Europe sleep. And Israel is losing it's faith. Just now we don't see which area, which country will be the next big one or maybe we have already arrived in a time where many countries are more or lesson on the same level for next 100 or 200 years, as we had this once long long time ago in history.
So it's far from over and as much we will have good developments, we will have bad too cos there is always somewhere a shadow. 
What a year when I think about my work. The health care faces more and more the results of the politics of the last 40 years and it is no good. But nurses, doctors and so on are beginning to say what they think, want and need. That we need a change is out of question. 
Getting international is good as it is a big problem too. 
I myself have start to prepare myself for the international work and have learned a lot in managing the quality in nursing, nursing homes and around this area. It's a challenge, but the right one for me. I can say I found my path when it is about the work day by day. Even though I also realized how easy it is to get away from your colleagues. Communication is everything, but sometimes it's the question of what to do first when you're in a crisis. Thought I fight hard to keep the jobs and get in the money, I found myself in a very hard talking once and felt that I did not had it under control. This is nothing to worry about, but made me remind to stay as close in contact to the people I work for and with. 
Learning also to know when to take a break is hard but I can recommend this, cos your body will be grateful for that to you. 
And this brings me to the next -What a year!
Beside the little breaks while working, you use to have holiday. Traveling to Stockholm brought me not only joy and new friends. I also had the luck to see new sides of the town and started to like it more then before. Imaging living in a wood but just 15 min from the centre. It's wonderful.
Being in Bali gave me rest I needed and an amazing healthy look at the end, but also showed me the challenge to travel alone, cos sometimes in some places I felt I would liked to have had some company of my own. But above this Bali also showed me that traveling can make you see your own home country clearer again. The nature, the art, the literature, the people, the health system and so on. Yes I love my old middle Europe. And being in towns like London and Hamburg to meet new people I met over Facebook even though it did not turn out the way as planed, it was better. Here I can just say thank you for taking me into your town and life and time. I am very grateful for that.
So what a year when I think about meeting new people, losing some and having new friends and some who moved away. Friends they come and friends they go, nothing last forever. That was once a line of a song and it is true. Although not every friend who did move is history and I also got contact to people I believed I lost. Actually this year was a year where I meet a lot of people by being in school, for work  or taking yoga classes. Also did date some and found out I had stuck in a circle of my own habits and so I started changing this too. But as much as I can recommend that- to see yourself, ask yourself, watch yourself and try the change, you should know that this does not mean every time that you will land save. It can hurt, make you fail, even if you try your best. Sure I get older and maybe that brings me also to the question when I met new people why do I like them and why not and if not, why. Am I not that tolerant? Am I not that open, but I can't help myself. Some things you simple know, as you know in the same time that it is ridiculous. But to the guys I met, I am very grateful to have met you and   just wish you the best. Maybe we did not talk for a while but this is because I thought it would be better to stay away for a while for you to get your space and time to recover. Although I met guys who suddenly never called back but so was I two or three times, even it was never meant to be that way it just became. Are we all bad people? Maybe we are  but we also we are human, so we fail and have a lot excuses. Don't we know all about this!
So what a year where I am to finish a job and start a new one in the next year, but as it is there is still time to finally rewrite my novel in the last days. And by the way, I am so happy that some friends of mine did this too. Writing a book is a big process and it is always a big day when it is finished and ready to be sold. Guys I wish you all the best and biggest success with your work!
What a year and I could go on and on... may it movies, may it books, may it art, may it knowledge, may it colleagues who face dead more early then expected and I feel with them, may it all the people who were ill this year and we had such a lot and it feels we never had this much in the last 20 years, may it be the fact that so many old people have died that you just wonder is it this time in history again where more people then ever go? But also may it be that many now realize that there is no perfect country in the world and that it is always about the question what you want. Also may it be about that it is needed for the future of your own luck to see that there is no job with just fun sides. Maybe many would be more happy, as this does not mean to smile all the time, just simple to enjoy life.
2013 -- really a big year and already next to over. Wasn't it just x-mas 2012?! But also it feels that I have changed a lot since I came back from Sweden next to four years ago. I was a young blond man and now not so blond anymore but when I see my face pic for the job search I can't see the myself I am now on it. It's like looking on a time when I was so much younger. How does this sound? Crazy a bit I guess. Sure no more a boy ;-) Even for some cloths I really liked to wear when I went out like to disco, I think it's time to say good bye. 

So this long post happens when you can't sleep cos the day you write is the last working day on the company. First time I was that long part of one. I use to slip out quietly but this time it is different. It won't be loud, but known. 

For now I hope you will remember all your happy days of this year and being grateful for them and maybe you get bigger and be grateful for the darker days too, for your mistakes and fails. 
We are imperfect but that's the beauty of this life. It makes us perfect because we can change every time. 
I wish you a wonderful x-mas and a happy new year...

Love & Light

Eating out 1-5

Have you seen them yet?
Well i actually started seeing the first sequel, then bought the 4 and had even that time fun watching the movie, although I could not wonder how are the others so I took the fifth and was surprised. It was even better, so why not trying all at the end and so her we are. 
Seen all and I can say I liked them all. The second is kinda crazy but fun, well- not the best acting, so the next was bit better and also the story became even better, but when you reached the fourth movie the story not only got better, it even got more complex as you can have it in a comedy which is quite a typical american way. 
What made it even better was also that they decided to take more characters in the story, which leads to a more an funny and interesting way to get to you. But the fifth was the best. I laughed so much and the boys and girls and in betweens made it, really made it. Harry Potter is saying hello too. They all play with heart and yes the story seems to be easy and simple but is more a hide and seek and what you see is not what you get. 
Of course you don't have to watch 'em all, but if.. you'll have fun if you like a simple way of joke and fun, although the fourth and fifth are the best sequels. But the best stories had the first and the last. The second is crazy absolute and the fourth too, although Glee is helping it out.

So have fun and like always I wish you a lot of


LIGHT & LOVE

Parada-- a movie for everyone and also for the homophobic

First of May the international day of work... Well am not gonna write about this today... but welcome into the month May and I hope it will be a good for everyone...

Today I will write about another Movie I think you should watch if you have the time or possibilities.
The Play is taken place in ex-Jugoslavia and the idea is from a real happening from 2008 where on an open Place in Belgrade people where hurt and killed by nazis and hooligans next to the police who just stood there and did nothing then watch. A shame. 
So the core of the story has a true event.
And now, what is it about? 
Two pairs of which each one is fighting for his relationship. A partner in crime they became. Something like this happen. Means, you see how much you are able to do for your beloved one and so the man who wants to marry his girlfriend has to help another man who wants that his man can make his dream real. A dream of a parade who will show that it is o.k. to be gay and also the wedding will be made by this man with the dream of freedom. Also the movie shows the time after the war. 
First time a movie from ex-Jugoslavia is made to show the peace time and it therefor shows the war veterans and the live they are living and the connection they have. Although they are the losers, but so it seems that a pair of losers is never alone. 
A serious issue is here shown in the style presented by means of the drama and tragedy, but most of all of comedy. Which is the best they could do, because you smile a lot, laugh a lot and after all the cry and  joy you had you just think in the end, that this movie was and is wonderful. 
And most important I felt very grateful for the life I am living and also I am so much aware of the fact that we still have to do a lot and go on the streets. 
I also heard that nazis and hooligans after watching the movies hate the movie because they could not hate gays anymore. That's not that bad.
But let's go on...
The lines are great and situation comedy makes it to believe that all this is or could be real and the actors just play so nice and every figure you see.. you just like to follow and watch. The voltage decreases steadily until the end.
So, this movie also shows "normal" people in meaning of look and acting. Not like the hollywood beauties and beasts. Yes that maybe needs a little work from you, when you watch the movie in the beginning, cos it takes time in the beginning to know each human and who he is or what he is and that is very good I think. But don't worry it doesn't take a long time. 
The start in a drama style and then break it with suddenly comedy coming up... smart. Lovely situations. Just can tell this. The rest is what we call spoilers. So you gotta watch the movie to get to know more. 

LOVE & LIGHT

You I Love

You I love.... Who.... my man, my child, my live.. MY live?
I have a friend in Sweden, he and his mate are trying to get a child... it's more complicated as we all thought it would be.... years of waiting, years of fighting, years of trying... and lying from other people... Well, still gays don't have it easy to get what they want and have a right to... 
'cos if it's love it can't be wrong... or are we all wrong and love is just a thing in our mind? No?!
Well then- let's go on....
They are married and together for a while. Part of a generation of gays who is capable of thinking of having a child. They would not be the first queer parents in the world. But outside in the world you sometimes have the feeling as you where the first one to try and bring the idea of having your own family with a child. And yes, some gay think we should not have a child- I always wonder why, cos what they say is never a reason for me to not be a father.
Some say it's egoistic to want some, but isn't it always with that? Or do we just say that because they are gay? 
Over the years it should be clear for everyone, that queer parents are no less better for a child then heterosexual one or a single father or mother, or a grandmother or grandfather, nor an uncle or aunt.
It's all about love.
So why are we still fighting this shit.... ? A question I once read, not long ago.. and yes I ask you that...! How in the world can we not go on...?
Well, my friends learns a lot about things he never imagine he would learn or have to..., not to speak about what he has to do to make a dream come true...
This makes me wonder what if I have the chance? I was always thinking about adopting a child. But if this is so hard to make real and you have to do surrogacy... This is in no way an easier way... no no...
Well for a lesbian it seems easier and people seem to take it not so hard that two woman are with a child, but man? Gay man? Who is the mother- a stupid question by the way... Can they show how to be a man? Next stupid question... of course they can...!
Well, I never thought having a child as a single parents, but nowadays I have those possibility too in my mind. I am single so this is something to think about too, and of course, I don't want to be an old dad... And we all know how times can fly.. 

The law in the my country allows me to adopt as a single, but the truth is, it surly will never happen as long as you are not rich. But then, what if one of us- if I have found my partner for life- what if he is HIV pos.? Do we have a chance at all to get a child or two? 
What if both of us are? I mean we know with the medicine we have today, people in the western world can get old, maybe very old. But above this... my live has never been all the same... lots of changing.. lots of jobs... moving in and out, living here and there... what will they think about that? Whatever I say, however positive I can make it in their eyes.. will they believe I am the right and my man will it be too? Or will we need surrogacy, no matter how many children out their would be happy to have a parent... and I mean Germany has a lot homeless and parentless children too. But as it seems this times, it went harder to get a "Yes". Are they really acting in the name of a child? Does not seem so, when You look nearer... Money is one of the reason the keep children instead of finding a home for them... 
So...
Do I need to spend my sperm and a lot of money to just get a child? Or do I better say no to all and have nothing at all?
What it makes worse is that surrogacy is not allowed in Germany... So- if you make a child outside the country it can easy be that you are not allowed to bring it into the country... cos it is a member of the country where it is born... things got complicated...? 
Why is mankind so stupid?
But there is always hope... the world is going to be more and more open for the fact, that queer people are god as all the others as parents... and I hope, this time we will make it a breakthrough... at the end.. if not, it's not the end, cos in the end, everything is beautiful and free and happy and parents are parents, no matter what they are, gay, bi, trans, lesbian, single, grandmother, sister, brother, aunt or uncle... 

LOVE & LIGHT

CSD and It get's better

Now the Christopher Street Day is done in Berlin, well actually we have two. Yes we have two demonstrations- one is the classical and so called "popular" CSD and the other is called the "Transgenialer" CSD. At least both fight for the rights and acceptance for gay, lesbian and transgender people, fighting for same rights for everyone and tolerance. Well above all the problems we have over the years with the discussion of the need of two and the need of a parade, I think, still- both are important to do... the goal is more or lesson the same.. at the end. And yes fun is a part of it, because celebration of live is part of living a true live. But this year, above a new rout for each CSD I saw and heard people talkin' and it seems that the old generation is ready to give the fight to the younger one, but what I saw was that maybe the older ones have to stay and fight again and again while teaching the young why and how and showing the support they need, but don't even realize they do need. The most of them where just do a party trip and forgot or never knew the reason why we have the CSD and why it is still so important to show our voice so loud and out on the streets. 
Yes my ideal would be, that we live in a world where no one cares. So everyone would just love. 
Cose Love Is Equal for everyone.. and healthy as long you do love with your heart and soul... with respect and patience. 
So maybe after all I think.. maybe I'll be part of the "It's getting better" Project to make sure that young people know and are less afraid of living the way they are. I will also try to make a vid for youtube in german I guess...
I am now in my 30s and knew since I was 9 or 10 that I was gay. I never could imagine me and a woman or a girl. I liked them and had my first and very wet kiss with a girl from the village of my grandmother. About that time, I never saw or heard about gays, what it did mean but there was a magazine in which I was reading about gays and lesbians and the law situation and also how people used to think about these kind of people. The good thing was, after reading this, I knew it was o.k. to be gay but had to be carefully to what I do and say when I was gay. 
Well, my mother saw me reading this and told me not to get gay because I was thinking sad of them... I just thought, well I am gay, but answered surely I will never be it because I would think how sad.. and will be gay to show my support.. actually my answer was shorter..:-)
But from that time I knew for sure.
But I also knew it could be difficult. So I started to look what my family was doing, how they did react to couples holding hands or kissing, or when some gay man or lesbian woman was on TV or some Star was called queer. The reaction was so no common, that I did not knew before I told them how they would react. Then I saw a film called the "Torch Song Trilogy" where you have a scene the main part told to his new /old boyfriend when he was asking him to take him back:" Do you think you can simply move in when you're not thinking being gay is o.k. I just threw out my own mother just because she did not accept the way I am! Do you think I expact less from you?" That was the moment I knew- no matter what they say, I will survive. Then I decided to tell my parents when I am 18. Well it became a year earlier but I was ready. It just happened out of a situation, through a call I had with my mother. 
To make it short, I was a lucky kid that my parents reacted very good. They knew somehow. But my feelings before where bad, I felt unsure, I did not knew and it felt not right to have to say it. No heterosexual is outing, why do I have to do? Why does this feel bad. It's stupid. it really is.
Before this happened, I was also thinking about what is better, hiding or saying. The more impossible thing than hiding was not being happy. I wanted to have my own live and got it. All the power I would have lost, all the fear I would have to dealed with, all the lying, all the hiding... never knowing if your friends are really friends.. no, this would have sure made me unhappy. But so I got a lot of friends. Very dear people, with lovely hearts and souls. They help me to understand, to see how to live. Cos my first love was so short.. yeah we had two tryings but simply did not know how to do it right to make it a relationship. We had no one to look at, to learn from. You young people out there, or if you still not out and older.. you just need to look around and can find very long time companions, friends and ways of having a family. The choices you can make are so many and so you can really find a way to get happy at the end. When your out, you will find them all, cos suddenly it seems a full new world with all it's adventure good and bad is open. You see, that you can love them too, gay, heterosexual, queer, bisexual, transgender.. no matter... you'll love 'em. You find time to party, to talk, to save someone, to be saved, to hold someone in your arms and let you take care of a love... You have  lot's of power for life itself if you are free and out... so, yes it's getting better... !

LOVE & LIGHT