Old Shoes.... what to do with them..?

Dementia

very common these days in the life of families... 
Not easy to deal with for everyone...
Some people kill themselves when they get the diagnose from the doctor...
Some people try to hide from that fact that they change in a way they never dreamed of...
Some people try to be open with this...
Some say you still can have a goooooooooood time with that.... can you? Is it true?
Alzheimer's organisations try to tell the people not to kill themselves cos still it's all worth living... Is it?

In the beginning for all people victim or not, it's more or less easy to deal with this, but then... the change comes, the challenge... and the question.. is this a god quality of Live? Is this a god Live? 
Oh yes it's true you have fine hours... moments... and if you're lucky, your healthy... The body can be save but the soul is starting to fly away, far away.. memories fades away... who are you then... another person... never the same... not knowing where to go, where to stay, what time it is or what's the place is called you are... not knowing what to do... live is getting boring..... very boring... you getting helpless and the things become more and more little.. just thinking of when to eat, when to sleep and when to shit... yes it's like that... very much.... is this worth those rare moments of peace you maybe have... 'cos for the most they comes a harder way with it... not only your mind is blowing away, your body is not the same.. you cannot trust your own body, you're ill, but don't know how to deal with it... helpless you are... Yes people keep watching over you, washes you, and feed you... at the end like a baby you are... Is this really what you want? And if it isn't what you want... Why do people say it is reprehensible to take you're own life when you decide not to live up to this... I mean... I see it at my work and know it from my family... the person you once loved and knew is gone but there is still the body and this body becomes a stranger to you too... Who is it you keep watching over then? The same? 
Well with dementia, no one can tell you how it goes...You can have luck and stay in a way you feel yourself good with but with Alzheimer -you know the way... It just goes down... down.. down... 

But one truth is: Most of Dementia and Alzheimer affected suffer in one or another way.... Why not then to say no to that and end your own life? 
No easy question.... but don't let people tell you it's an always god living with this illness... or there is a chance of god times with this... oh those chances are so little and this has nothing to do with our society, like some say... sure we should not drown those people away... when they need our help and understanding... but then..like I said... oh yes we can do to keep you as long as able in a god way... but this way ends someday too.. and then what... ? Victim or not.....?

LOVE & LIGHT

Violence in nursing

Guess you have heard or read about this already... isn't it scary? Should never be but happens all the time and more then we think and believe.. not only at home when a daughter is psychologically harm her mother just with words and look. Most time we hear about this sad thing when they came to happen in nursing homes, where old people try to stay as good as they can till death comes and takes them home to heaven or so... No excuses... this should be or is the thinking of the most, but is it so easy? 
As a nurse do I know that one time, all of us nurses meet a patient, a old people who makes us angry and we have to fight hard not to harm them... you wonder why... well sometimes there seems no reason just... a feeling you get when you see someone.. like on the street, when you meet someone you directly know you don't like him... but on the street you can go on, change the sides..like that but when you are a nurse.. officially everyone has to be treat equal... no matter if you like him or her or not... well that's a god point and important to remember and keep in mind...  but actually in real life a big challenge sometimes... because those people you nursing are very near to you, not only physically also .. you know.. they come in your private zone... it's not comfortable to let in someone you don't want to, but we have to, it's part of the job.

But then... there is another side to look at...
What brings staff to harm someone, they never thought would do...
Those old people can act like children.. they can be lazy, don't listen to what you say or explain, can be stubborn, can lie to you, be mad at you without a reason, be offended because they have to do something they can but are to lazy to do... they can be dissatisfied with themselves but instead of seeing this they curse on you... and then you have not much time to work for them but some of them just "need" much more time then they really need -to do the things they have to do, but just because they feel like that... Or you try to give them positive advice but they refuse to take it, or you try to build them up, but they don't give a fuck about that... and all the sexual harassment you get of them... some know very well what they do (and I don't say it's a lie that old people have their needs but then... we are not family, not a friend or a lover for them... ).... yes the older they are the madder it can get.. Man and Woman, no difference... clapping, shouting, flirting, try to get a kiss from you, touching in every way they can... yes they try to touch your ass, your boobs.. or more intimate places... 
A lot to deal with and then too less time, to less stuff.... No wonder that it happens from time to time those sadly things, that people get harmed... sure no one wants that... but as long no one is fighting for a better healthcare, better pay for nurses, more stuff ... that long do we have to read about this...
What you think? Won't you start with talkin' to others about that and help the staff? What do you want when you are old..? How do you think should we deal with this? Will you help?

Love & Light can help... but there's more to do than getting this from me... what you give? What you are ready for?

My own Paradise... is gods paradise.. is ours...

Well hej folks, today's blog is just about sharing.. sharing beautiful things like the little garden next to my flat... really it's not big, could be much bigger, but still is so much to see and love and grow and well yes... to share with you.. the beauty of nature...  won't you see it... because it enjoys me every time I look at it... and it's an ongoing process... never ending.. No matter what the names of the flowers and plants are.. you can ask me if you want... but otherwise.. just come and take a look with me and relax in the beauty of gods paradise we have here on this world, in this reality we share, because this is what we should think about to save... this is what we lose, when we're not waking up and change our way of living we use to live.. all the garbage, all the wasted things, all the plastic, all the stupid and bad things, all the negative feelings all the destroying acting, all the cars, all the hunting and with all the hate we grow...  there was a man once saying.." Love is all you need... all you need is love" and yes others will say to you:  "and then my dear, be grateful, be love, be friendly, be a friend, be open eye and open soul, and also an open mind...be aware...."
And here are the pics... ENJOY  

and like always which you all my

LOVE & LIGHT

Make a one day holiday!

Yes, why not make a one day holiday..or make everyday a holiday! Wouldn't it be nice?!
I think so... but as we use to do.. to make a holiday of every day is harder then we thought, so what about when you have a day off, to make this day a holiday?

Take a walk, go to cinema, eat ice cream... smell the flowers, or buy some... listen to music and read a book you always wanted.. sleep long.. drink a good coffee or you finest tea...

Here in Berlin, we have a lot of trees and flowers in town, but also big parks.. that's nice, but we also have some kind of woods and that's very nice and oh so quite... and the best thing is... you can go swimming in summer, ride your bike, or have some kind of beach in front of you- suddenly... Oh yes, the pics will show you this.... river, flowers, beach.. animals.. just nature, which is part of the town... just for some hours I was like miles, like worlds away... If just all towns would have this possibility... 
Then to travel to the ocean has no need... ;-)

Oh, and sometimes somethings you'll find seems like if the nature is taking back what you took from her... somehow... like a book, someone forgot... lovely... 

Klee und viele Bienen.... sum sum sum

ein kleiner Teich im Walde Grunewald Berlin

Flowers and animals in Berlin Grunewald

Just a beach in a wood in Berlin

Teufelsee Berlin

LOVE & LIGHT 

Once again Gothenburg/ Sweden...

Another night I cannot sleep, no wonder, it's again my time when I work in the morning, so that means going up half 5 o'clock and then start the day...but the more I do it, the less I can...I get so tiered after work, so I feel like I am not able to do anything, well I can but needs more energy- feels like that and it seems, it is no more my thing, no more that easy to do it for me... well seems some things have changed... For sure it is not my biological rhythm. I know I am not the only one in the world to go up so early and I know I decided to do that job, no one has forced me into it... 

Gothenburg Sweden...
But these nights make me think of so many... What do I want to do next? How can I change the situation on work to a better? How do I make them speak the truth? When to do the last steps to bring out my books? When to travel? Where to travel? Oh I love to travel... but have so many things I am interested that I have sometimes problems to find my time to travel... and all the questions like, where to make a short tour, when to make the big fly..? All the places I wanna be, wanna see, smell and experience. All the adventures I wanna have I can have... Oh I remember not having any fear when I traveled after finishing my school time. I feel how people in my age have changed... no more seeking the adventure is very common..it seems..but not to all and so I feel the lust, the need, the desire to move to other places to get to know other ways of living. Not only with the help of books. 

Harbor of Gothenburg with old ships
But I also think about where I wanna live in this world this time. Since I was in Sweden, even know it was not such a long time, I changed my view of Berlin and the feelings have changed too. I mean I love Berlin, I've crown up here... but there's no need anymore to stay and since I have a lot of friends living outside the home they have crown... my mind and heart is open for so many more than to stay. Maybe it would be different if I had a job where I have to travel a lot. But then again, I have friends who travel a lot and feel the same. That I speak english better and better just because I speak swedish better and better makes my heart also feeling open and like I once wrote I feel like home on so many places, as long as I have a good time and friends there. 

typically Bus and station.. in winter like you see
My swedish is not only better, in my heart is still the feeling of an aching... a longing to be in Sweden, cos it became my second home, to be more exact Gothenburg and the area around... I have friends there which became my family. So after two years back in Berlin I feel the same like I felt the time before I moved to Sweden. Something I was expecting when I came back to Berlin two years ago, because that time I already knew, that the story was not to end. You must know the first year I was back to Berlin I traveled four times to Sweden and every time it was thank good I made it. This year I was just one time there and am so happy to finally made it to a second one and know that I will be there in autum / fall too. Could not stay longer away. 

Gothenburg/ Landvetter Busstation.. thanxxs they made one.. it can be very cold outside to wait  minutes after the Bus

a "Semla", I already wrote about them... just yummi... can't imagine not having them in the beginning of a year since I got the taste...
Wanderlust is mixed with the desire to try it once again in Sweden. Well I will be in Peru in September and yet I already know because I have those feelings since a while.. I decide where to go after that. I guess I am not moving before spring next year, but I have the feeling of going away... maybe... But now I will be in Sweden again... just a short stay.. but anyway.. am happy... 

LOVE & LIGHT

Desire, Love and Sex....

When I walk home after a long working night,

sometimes I feel there is nothing more beautiful then walkin' down the streets of my town and have my coffee in my right hand and seeing all the people going to work while I drive home. 

No matter what the weather is, I always tend to see beautiful things on the way, like this flower you see on the pic.. simple to crow.. does not need much space to settle down... once I knew this flower much from Denmark, but now these flowers grow more and more in my city Berlin too... so nice...

Berlin Mitte
What I like with big towns like mine is that you have so many different things on same place, like little gardens next to the Station and on the other side walls with a lot of graffiti. Like the big town things smash into the little town things and then you just turn around and see something like a spaceship...

Berlin S-Bahn station

can you see the spaceship.. it's the ICC
Mostly when my night works end, I do not go to bed, then I search for something I can do... work to do at home or some interesting things in town like a street festival I was last and above all the music and people and all the meat and alcohol you can find and the celebration of life somehow you just need to sometimes look up and see a thing like a balloon and yet this one was stuck... like we are stuck sometimes but we often seems to get a crisis about such a thing like stopping for a moment.. the balloon doesn't know this and waits till the next wind comes and blows it away... like so many people wish and  lookin' after but unlike the balloon we can push ourself just with being aware that we just need to go a step right or left.. I mean look at the balloon... it's just a few centimeters which makes him fly again... Well you can wait, like so many do but maybe then unlike the balloon you'll wait a life long and then regret it. Is this really worth it? I doubt that, but maybe that's the lesson you have to learn. Who am I to condemn? But just think about it.. One look is often enough to change your view. 

Berlin, Bergmannstrassenfest 

and suddenly it got dark
But as I walk down the streets, so much sun it may be on a day, sometimes the rain is not far away... the change can come so fast, but keep calm... like so many did last time, when the storm came and the rain, but oh so nice it was just a short and heavy rain and the rest just thunder and lightning. Such things makes me smile, and if it is summer, it's like being a child again. You know waiting what will happen, staying out as long you can, feeling the wind blow, hearing the rain, not afraid of what is coming next, yet being afraid a bit maybe in the beginning, but then so exiting you get, when you get through... just sad, that so many forget this... Oh so many hear this again and again in songs, that the days comes and goes, that the sun comes after the rain was fallen, that the morning rises after a dark night... but feel it inside again... that's maybe the lesson for so many.. it seems to me.. just this one little thing to remember... why not being like a child... it does not make you helpless.           

When I think about all this, is this maybe the reason why people have forgot or unable to enjoy things all the way..though? I mean things in western world for so many has to be fun for every price or can't have the fun without alcohol or because you don't trust the world, you just have half the fun instead of all the fun. I mean why do we love all the films and TV shows where people seems to have all the fun? Is it because all things have to be big and to be lucky means for so many to be it all the time?

Well I think to be lucky means more to enjoy little things like the color of a plant or flower, of a leaf or the little sunshine wish comes through the window, or a butterfly flying next to you for a moment. Isn't it the biggest luck to feel it from time to time you can be happy without having much in your pocket? Just by seeing something or smelling something little and nice...? And when Live is so short, why are we waiting? Do you really need a push like cancer, HIV or another illness or accident? And why don't you trust your gut feeling? It tells you whom to trust or what to do, which way to go...

And so comes my mind to Sex... yes, seems so many can't enjoy it.. say- only in a relationship and then you read the best sex is not always to find there.. how come? Seems it is logic why it is not best with strangers, but same times some only have the best sex with strangers...  crazy world or just wrong learning? I mean, a stranger is a human being too... Why should he be a danger for you? Oh you're not sure? But your guts feelings warns you if it is so... Well only with a beer or too you have the best sex then, but then the danger is higher to misunderstand your guts feelings... Crazy... or? I mean seems many people fall in love with people who actually can enjoy life and sex and sex life... but the thing is, most of them just enjoy it to the full... they're not searching for a love affair... can be, but ... mostly not...  well that does not say they won't give you love... people who can enjoy little things used to have a lot of love for others... 'cos they love them self in a positive way... 

How can you learn this too? Start with being grateful and look out for those little beautiful things...

Make it like the flowers in the forrest ... grow, trust, search the light, hold on to yourself and the next thing to you.. get a connection... let the wind weigh you...

LOVE & LIGHT